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08-02-2006, 01:30 AM
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#1 (permalink) | |
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They call me Tundra Boy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
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Another recording for critique.
I added one of my songs to my band website. Its the only one there at the moment!
www.myspace.com/jodileeparker (Fare Better on my own demo) I recorded it on cubase, so if you could give it a listen, a critique and offer suggestions as to what bits you like, what you don't like and what I could change then that would be grand. ----- Lyrics - I'll Fare Better On My Own I've been here before A shattered jaw And elbowed in the gut Hearing your choice With quiet rejoice As you say we're splitting up I feign sorrow to the last But feel better on my own I've been here before Clothes that you tore Hanging from my limbs Quiet reflection Sees your rejection As a loss from which I win Now unconstricted by your rules I play better on my own Don't explain your reasoning I'm just pleased your throwing in the towel As you walk away I won't be giving chase Not now, no, no For though your smile shines like diamond Your heart is twice as hard You shattered my illusions And stabbed me with the shards If you want to go, then go If you want to stay, please... don't I'll fare better on my own I've been here before Bloodied and raw From loyalties misplaced I have no illusions It was delusions and spectres that I chased The voices in my head They'll sound better on my own Don't explain your reasoning I'm just pleased your throwing in the towel As you walk away I won't be giving chase Not now, no, no For though your smile shines like diamond Your heart is twice as hard You shattered my illusions And stabbed me with the shards If you want to go, then go If you want to stay, please... don't I'll fare better on my own You step unnaturally slow as you turn to go Did you think that I would be calling you back? Did you think that I would crumble like my world was about to implode That I would beg for your decision to retract? Well, it seems that you misjudged the way I would respond to your choice Too many hours being bludgeoned by your ear-splitting voice Next time I'm looking for a girl, I won't consider you I'm so glad to be rid of you For though your smile shines like diamond Your heart is twice as hard You shattered my illusions And stabbed me with the shards If you want to go, then go If you want to stay, please... don't I'll fare better on my own I'd been here before A shattered jaw A worn and weary face Cuts turned to scars Soft eyes hardened Photographs were replaced The left side of the bed It feels much better on my own
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08-02-2006, 03:17 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Scarf
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Brighton, UK
Posts: 715
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Mhhh, it sounds really neat!
I have one small point of critique, in the chorus part, I think the start of it kind of spoils it. It goes too high, the rest of the chorus sounds cool, so it's too bad that the listener has to ''recover'' from that note first. Get what I mean?
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I rocked my shoelaces untied
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08-02-2006, 05:45 AM
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#3 (permalink) | |
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They call me Tundra Boy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
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Yes, I get what you mean. Having listened to it after recording, I agree with you too. The last chorus sounds best (in my opinion) because it doesn't go up at the start, so I think I'll do the same with the other choruses.
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