Blain

A sincere thought, A mind indulging image
Leaves me stranded, with your final words
You took my hand, I had a plan
But my hopes were high
Afraid of failure, afraid of valuable loss
So as I thought, my mind was crippled
I had my ideas, you had yours
But as we touched
It felt like seconds, moments even
Then we separated... Never to gaze again...

The moment I was with you
Was the moment I felt complete
But as fate fell short, we were dragged with it
Drained of our passion, stricken of our love
A simple apology, No inconsiderate remark
We would have... We wouldn't have fought...

As the sun rose, I was staring in awe
Staring at your beauty, I was a man of luck
But holding you loosely
I was bound to loose grasp
And as we slipped...
Everythin ****ed up
Your elegance, your glamour
Was taken away, ripped in half
And confined from my eyes...
Never to be seen again...

The moment I was with you
Was the moment I felt complete
But as fate fell short, we were dragged with it
Drained of our passion, stricken of our love
A simple apology, No inconsiderate remark
We would have... We wouldn't have fought...

There we go a little bit better

explosions-in-my-pants

At first I thought you were writing about something you love. Then at the end its like you were writing about your mother.. confuseing.. It ends really bad.. mentor just brings the whole thing to a harsh end.. just the last half of the song/poem just goes off in its own little story that doesn't seem to fit.

Blain

Yeah I really didn't get to finish it, I had to get off to footy training and I had to just post it, I'm gunna try fix it now

EDIT: Ok fixed now, thanks EIMP you helped me fix up those last 2 lines and now it's better

explosions-in-my-pants

yes the ending is now muhc better. So tell me what or who's it about?

sleepy jack

S'good, the topic is kind of cliche but you manage to present it in a not-cliche way and you don't used the same metaphors everyone typically does with this type of thing.

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