Wolves (rock, quote, song, Hang) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-13-2006, 03:32 AM   #1 (permalink)
Don't think twice
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: A basement on the hill
Posts: 352
Default Wolves

Your movements are false alarms
Projecting hopeless hidden charms
While I stand out in the rain
Making puddles in my palms

Now her favourites are in the wall
And her conscience is on the floor
They'll shut their blinking mouths
If she can get one more

Wolves

Your stairs make chalkboard cliffs
No sound escapes her lips
The King can howl for years
But she has grown too stiff

These green stripes make me sick
Colour blinded hypocrite
You guessed my best efforts
Could never make it stick

Wolves

--------------------------------------------------------

Its a work in progress, i ripped it from a much longer monologue i have but compressed into into song form. the only bit I am DEFIANETLY (cant spell it) going to change is the Wolves bit. its the chorus and its one words sung so i just need something to replace it. oh and the verses link but its very subtle. Some of it is Shakespearian metaphors for love. oh yeah and it changes narrator i know it has to, its kinda my style.
__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
either/or is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2006, 10:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
angel of tragic days
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 924
Default

Quote:
Your movements are false alarms
Projecting hopeless hidden charms
While I stand out in the rain
Making puddles in my palms

Now her favourites are in the wall
And her conscience is on the floor
They'll shut their blinking mouths
If she can get one more

Wolves

Your stairs make chalkboard cliffs
No sound escapes her lips
The King can howl for years
But she has grown too stiff

These green stripes make me sick
Colour blinded hypocrite
You guessed my best efforts
Could never make it stick


Wolves
I don;t like much of this poem/song.
the bolded part(s) I like
the underlined I think is completely stupid.

I think its just a million random thoughts about different things put together.. well it comes off that way. If you really want to fix it and are looking for ways then I will try to help. Also the poem/song lacks flow.. it just kind hits a few rocks before coming to the end of the road.
explosions-in-my-pants is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2006, 11:04 AM   #3 (permalink)
isfckingdead
 
sleepy jack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,967
Default

I don't think its a bunch of random thoughts at all really, just because it isn't straightforward as hell doesn't mean it doesn't make any sense and I think the imagery is pretty, its not my favorite by you but still pretty good.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
sleepy jack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2006, 03:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
Don't think twice
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: A basement on the hill
Posts: 352
Default

im thinking of chucking the whole thing and starting again. thanks anyway tho.
__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
either/or is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.