Bethel (fan, show, song, Ching)

creepinson · 08-21-2006, 10:25 AM

Bethel
-----------------------------------

My feet upon the ground make this ending feel much nearer
Though my ignorance of loyalty begs the question
How could one even so fickle as me
Have morals so conspicuously trampled by possession

When I know the shades and shadows of hope I left myself for a more rainy day
Were silenced by a shimmer of the outside that caressed my doubts away

And as faith becomes obsession and obsession brings resistance
I am plagued by family trees of accusation and admittance
Now to stray even a pace from the fortress of my cause
Is to accept the need for war and the transparency of laws

Whether this struggle left signs or sins
I must understand that everything begins
With the step off a curb into a busy street
And the disgust that the concrete still dirties your feet

So show me something holy,
I’ll show you blind determination
And the promise that discretion
Is just the art of compensation

So show me something real
I’ll show you what’s sacred instead
The understanding I’ll never be safe
Now that I know my hope is dead

Did you think that I was scared?
To leave my mother before I could show her
The sting of one last stab at closure?
I swear I’m never going home.
----------------------------------

wow i need to write more... you know the drill

sleepy jack · 08-21-2006, 12:21 PM

Its gooood, I like "as faith becomes obsession and obsession brings resistance" that part best.

creepinson · 08-21-2006, 02:01 PM

thanks dude

any more by chance?

Crowe · 08-21-2006, 03:44 PM

I'll get to it creep, where have you been?

creepinson · 08-22-2006, 07:57 AM

I literally have been living without electricity for the past 2 weeks... went to cottage... then my cottage broke so we went camping

Crowe · 08-24-2006, 12:14 AM

This is hard to critique in the fact that, technique wise - it's all over the map. Starting off with the stretching verses - I would have to hear the music in order to make that kind of connection. The writing is eloquent, of course, but what is the song about, really? The rhyming scheme works, and you made so very clever and creative choices on making that work. The only thing I can say for now is a more consistent format... stanza wise... like I said, it's all over the map. And... what is the song about again? If you told me I might be able to give it another run through and see what could be fixed and what is perfect. Me having to ask tells you something though... but then again that's just preference- I'm a fan of clear cut story and nothing too ambiguous

08-21-2006, 10:25 AM	#1 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	Bethel Bethel ----------------------------------- My feet upon the ground make this ending feel much nearer Though my ignorance of loyalty begs the question How could one even so fickle as me Have morals so conspicuously trampled by possession When I know the shades and shadows of hope I left myself for a more rainy day Were silenced by a shimmer of the outside that caressed my doubts away And as faith becomes obsession and obsession brings resistance I am plagued by family trees of accusation and admittance Now to stray even a pace from the fortress of my cause Is to accept the need for war and the transparency of laws Whether this struggle left signs or sins I must understand that everything begins With the step off a curb into a busy street And the disgust that the concrete still dirties your feet So show me something holy, I’ll show you blind determination And the promise that discretion Is just the art of compensation So show me something real I’ll show you what’s sacred instead The understanding I’ll never be safe Now that I know my hope is dead Did you think that I was scared? To leave my mother before I could show her The sting of one last stab at closure? I swear I’m never going home. ---------------------------------- wow i need to write more... you know the drill

08-21-2006, 03:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	I'll get to it creep, where have you been? __________________

08-24-2006, 12:14 AM	#6 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	This is hard to critique in the fact that, technique wise - it's all over the map. Starting off with the stretching verses - I would have to hear the music in order to make that kind of connection. The writing is eloquent, of course, but what is the song about, really? The rhyming scheme works, and you made so very clever and creative choices on making that work. The only thing I can say for now is a more consistent format... stanza wise... like I said, it's all over the map. And... what is the song about again? If you told me I might be able to give it another run through and see what could be fixed and what is perfect. Me having to ask tells you something though... but then again that's just preference- I'm a fan of clear cut story and nothing too ambiguous __________________

08-21-2006, 02:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	thanks dude any more by chance?

08-22-2006, 07:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	I literally have been living without electricity for the past 2 weeks... went to cottage... then my cottage broke so we went camping