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Old 12-14-2006, 02:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
w0rd
 
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Suva, Fiji
Posts: 1,034
Default I Keep Running

I wrote this a while ago. So tell us what ya think.


I'm tired of this running
I'm made of so much more
I figured I'm going down
Better finish sore,
I hit the ground,
How did I go on?
The humiliation, the desperation
I thought that I was gone...
But I keep running...
But I keep running...

It's a matter of determination
It's a chance to redeem your pride
Never stop running
Never let it slide...

This travesty may be the end
I’m bored of all these tricks
No point in stopping now
‘Coz they’re all a bunch of pricks
When you saw me
You just walked on by
The devastation, the discrimination
This could mean I’m wrong…
But I keep running…
But I keep running…

It's a matter of determination
It's a chance to redeem your pride
Never stop running
Never let it slide...

It's a matter of determination
It's a chance to redeem your pride
Never stop running
Never let it slide...
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Old 12-26-2006, 03:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default

Someone wanna comment on this? I quite liked it
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Old 12-26-2006, 11:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
snickers
 
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Default

You have some good rhyme scheme and message.
However, you repeated a few words a couple too many times, and used the word "I" too much.

Not bad though.
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Old 12-26-2006, 04:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: scotland
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Default

i quite liked it. it was a nice little song
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Old 12-28-2006, 12:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default

quite strong on the message tho and very singable
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