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Old 01-08-2007, 12:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Smile Stronger

Ok I haven't actually posted anything up here for a long time now. So I'll show everybody something new from me. All comments and crits appreciated!

STRONGER
© Jane Walker

What did I do so wrong
To make you feel this way
As you walk towards me
Did I express my feelings
Of being used yet again
By another friend of mine

I’m sick of listening
To those words
Coming from your mouth
They don’t change
Anything between us
It just makes me
Stronger now

Did I put a camera to your face
And make you explain your mistakes
As you sit and stare into my eyes
You can’t hide all your lies
From me, coz I have no doubt
That I will them find, time and time again

I’m sick of listening
To those words
Coming from your mouth
They don’t change
Anything between us
It just makes me
Stronger now

I just wanted to hear
The truth from your mouth
But my voice got louder
You did nothing but shout
All the abuse you could think of
And I couldn't help but look
To the clouds above and wish
That I have never met you at all
All the stupid excuses you tried to use
And it took me so long to realize
It was the inner you

I’m sick of listening
To those words
Coming from your mouth
They don’t change
Anything between us
It just makes me
Stronger now

It makes me stronger
To the look in your eyes
Now I can finally hate
Everything you are
When I've come so far
To the brink of regret

It just makes me
Stronger now.
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Old 01-08-2007, 02:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
Long time no see
 
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not to bad, i like it
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Old 01-08-2007, 04:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
A Thorn For Every Heart
 
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Pretty sweet.
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Old 01-08-2007, 04:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
ashes against the grain
 
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overdone.
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We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.
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Old 01-08-2007, 04:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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The title keeps making me think of the Trust Co. song. Their version is better
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Old 01-09-2007, 11:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm actually surprised with the comments from everybody. I didn't know whether to post this or not, I thought that people wouldn't like it, but they do. Thanx

Angel
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Old 01-09-2007, 02:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Really? No offense, but, I didn't get that impression. Except from GottaSCREM. Black dot.
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Old 01-10-2007, 07:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Everybody has their different tastes in lyrics so I'm not offended.

Angel
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Check out some lit techniques. Helps alot. Also, learning new words. And I don't mean flipping through a thesaurus, I mean actually LEARNING new words. Good luck though.
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What's with people dying? Shit.
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Old 01-11-2007, 06:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanx for the advice
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