Reincarnate. (Hang) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-11-2007, 06:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default Reincarnate.

The trees look wiser
than they've ever done,
an appetizer,
of all our days to come,
the sun has got his hat on
and the squirrels collect their nuts
We lay out a blanket
and I read my favourite book.
The weather changes drastically,
drip drip drop
you huddle in to get warmth from me
drip drip drop
The city seems so clearer,
as the autumn leaves flow through it,
so strange to think that at one point
I thought I had outgrew it.

Last edited by TrampInaTux; 02-12-2007 at 04:28 AM.
TrampInaTux is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2007, 09:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
Ban Captain Caveman
 
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 560
Default

You can't 'do' wiser. It's spelled "appetizer." The city line was incredibly weird, and the flow is TERRIBLE. It actually hindered my understanding, I had to read it two or three times. Nice plot. The word choice could use a tad of work too.
__________________
Quote:
Wolverinewolfweiselpigeon said:

What's with people dying? Shit.
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2007, 04:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default

I did this whilst singing it, and the flow does actually work, trust me on that one.

I was going to seperate it all up, but thought it was short enough already without doing that, and it would end up looking a bit messy.

And cheers, I thought 'appetiser' looked strange.


EDIT: Oh and maybe I'll improve on this later on sometime... and I'll have a look at some of your work in a bit.
TrampInaTux is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.