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Old 03-19-2007, 09:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
Me and The Major
 
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Default One Piece Puzzles

I walked down a dirt path,
and came upon a rabbit.

The rabbit had no eyes,
only hollows filled with fireflies.

I walked farther into the woods,
and saw a light coming from a
tree ahead of me.

Down fell a zebra that was
very polite. He told me which way was out.

I followed the path that the zebra said,
and came upon a rose bed.

The roses then spoke to me, and said,
"fetch us water, or we will dry out, we hide a
precious thing, no doubt."

I wondered if I should fetch the pail,
or let myself fail.

The roses melted away.

Behind the blackened thorns of
what was, there lay a woman in a wooden burrow.

She wore nothing but a cloak,
and she held a long, thin pipe,
out of which came scarlet smoke.

And behind the scarlet smoke,
I could see her eyes were made of mirrors, and her
tounge was that of a serpent.

The woman spoke, and said
"the roses you let die, now I will
give you what you have killed
for."

I stood there upon the burned
remnants of my slaughtered prey,
as the woman took my hand.

She led me down a diamon encrusted
path, where she replaced my eyes with
tulips.

The boy I gave directions to looked very weary.
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
infamous nimbus
 
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sounds like a bad acid trip.

a lot of the rhyming seemed forced. I couldn't really get a rythmn of any sort going either.
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Eh, I wasn't really trying to make a rhythm, it's basically a story with occasional rhythm as I don't like to force rhythm onto somehting that doesn't need it.
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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ok, i can see that then. The piece did give my mind a trip through an alice in wonderland type world. I was confused by the zebra part, and was wondering if you just made up random things happening and hoped it turned out deep. Im still not sure what you were going for.
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Basically, it's a story about how we often pass by the safe things (The rabbit) for ones that seem a little to inviting (The zebra). The person passed by the rabbit, although the rabbit was very welcoming (the fireflies) and instead went with the evil thing that promised it a way out. If the person had taken time to talk to the rabbit, they would've been fine.
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