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Trauma 05-19-2007 07:00 PM

The Pursuit
 
I'd like to work on my rhymed verse poetry, but I really liked this blank verse poem I wrote, and would like to share it with MB.
P.S. It's metaphorical.



"The Pursuit"

I was in the playground when Time arrived.
Wishing to converse with it, I jumped off the carousel, and followed it, departing from the green grass.
When Time passed through a wrought-iron gateway,
I began to sprint.
Pushing forward in a final desperate attempt to throw my arm on its shoulder,
I caught my breath instead.
At that moment, my eyes captured a stranger they had never apprehended before.
But he, being more agile, tripped me mid-thought, laying my body in the dust.
Looking up at him, his coy grin fell on me, empowered by some secret malice.
I knew then that this was Existence, his fiery countenance glinting off the metal spade in his right hand, a complement to the trillions of graves scattered in the cemetary behind him.
I lowered my gaze to Time, its arms resting restlessly on a wheelbarrow, standing next to the Entrance, laughing.

-Jake V. 5/15/07

sleepy jack 05-19-2007 07:09 PM

Quote:

Heaving forward in a final desperate attempt to throw my arm on its shoulder,
I don't like heaving there, but thats just me.

Other than that, excellent as always. Is there a reason time and entrance are capitalized?

Trauma 05-19-2007 07:34 PM

Time as referring to an omnipresent tangible figure.
Entrance symbolizing all that comes after you die.


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