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Old 05-19-2007, 08:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
snickers
 
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Default The Pursuit

I'd like to work on my rhymed verse poetry, but I really liked this blank verse poem I wrote, and would like to share it with MB.
P.S. It's metaphorical.



"The Pursuit"

I was in the playground when Time arrived.
Wishing to converse with it, I jumped off the carousel, and followed it, departing from the green grass.
When Time passed through a wrought-iron gateway,
I began to sprint.
Pushing forward in a final desperate attempt to throw my arm on its shoulder,
I caught my breath instead.
At that moment, my eyes captured a stranger they had never apprehended before.
But he, being more agile, tripped me mid-thought, laying my body in the dust.
Looking up at him, his coy grin fell on me, empowered by some secret malice.
I knew then that this was Existence, his fiery countenance glinting off the metal spade in his right hand, a complement to the trillions of graves scattered in the cemetary behind him.
I lowered my gaze to Time, its arms resting restlessly on a wheelbarrow, standing next to the Entrance, laughing.

-Jake V. 5/15/07
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Last edited by Trauma; 06-05-2007 at 07:22 PM.
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default

Quote:
Heaving forward in a final desperate attempt to throw my arm on its shoulder,
I don't like heaving there, but thats just me.

Other than that, excellent as always. Is there a reason time and entrance are capitalized?
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Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default

Time as referring to an omnipresent tangible figure.
Entrance symbolizing all that comes after you die.
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