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Old 09-18-2007, 02:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
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avenged sevenfold's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: huntington beach, ca
Posts: 35
Default 5 hours - feedback is greatly appreciated

okay...this is my first attempt to write a song. i tried to follow the guidelines posted. i would really appreciate feedback...good and bad. please...any suggestions on how i can improve it

5 Hours

My thumb is sore
Dialing your number
My ear is aching
From the phone on my cheek
And when we hang up, itís another goodbye
Iíve said it once
I donít know how long I can do it
My hand feels so empty
Without yours intertwined
While my lips are dry without your kiss

Can you really blame me for feeling this way?
Thinking about what youíre doing in that empty room

Iíve seen the movies
Iíve heard the stories
Weíre worlds apart
From the Pacific to the Atlantic
You traded two seasons for four
And me for New York
Just remember, come back home and Iíll find you
But another goodbye when summer ends
Back to the east coast you go
So here I am, stuck with this ridiculous predicament
Hoping I wonít be another statistic

When my phone rings, I rush
Hoping itís you on the other end
The water seems colder and the surf looks smaller
The Santa Ana winds come
And I start shivering while it blows me away
Whoíll keep me warm now?
I know you have urges
Craving for physical touch
A kiss
Thereís no way I can take it
Your lips locked with someone
Other than mine

Our time is up
It breaks me to do this
But I have to say my last goodbye
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