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Old 12-07-2007, 08:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Winding Roads

Not one of my better ones, any suggestions? I tried to lengthen the stanzas but it ended up sounding like a bunch of rambling :/

These feelings bottled up inside
I'm not sure whats going on
Whats happening to me?
Im falling apart

Chorus:
In all these winding roads
They're all mixing and crossing
Im losing my mind

Ive ended up behind the wall
torn away from you
Im left here unforgiven
forgotten and alone

Chorus

Which one to take
they all look comforting
but behind the curtain
lies the beast within

Chorus

Where have i gone?
What path have i taken
One wrong turn and im lost
What has it come to.

Chorus

Ive taken the wrong path
I lay here crying as i think of what could of been
Theres no telling what i could've become
But ive taken the wrong path
Now i lay here broken
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Old 12-08-2007, 12:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It sounds like a standard song, nothing too special, nothing to terrible.
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Old 12-08-2007, 12:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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You should probabily try and add a more organised rhyme scheme to it, it might hold it together a little tighter.
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Old 12-08-2007, 12:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevorkian Logic View Post
It sounds like a standard song, nothing too special, nothing to terrible.
I just started writing like a month ago, so im not trying anything too crazy yet :P

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzys in the wolf View Post
You should probabily try and add a more organised rhyme scheme to it, it might hold it together a little tighter.
Good lord i know, i have so much trouble with rhyme schemes, i try to make it flow into a song more than rhyme with it... which is kind of hard unless i post me playing it up here..
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Old 12-08-2007, 12:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Yeah I know what you mean, sometimes it works better not to have a rhyme scheme. I'd love to hear you playing sometime though if you have any mp3s. Do people normally spend that long on songs?
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Well is more like i get basic lyrics, then i get a guitar riff in my head, then play it on the guitar, change it around, change the lyrics to flow nicely with the song, and voila i have a song

And i sadly have no way of recording my music and im too poor to invest in anything
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
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^^ i bought a cheap pc mic at a local computer shop for about £6 and it works really well with just a free downloaded recording software.
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Old 12-10-2007, 11:04 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Sorry, but writing good lyrics requires more effort than that. You need to at least pick a constant thyme scheme for the verses. I used to write lyrics too fast, too, but I get better results after I read some books and took a class in lyric writing.

Keep writing!
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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uhm there is a scheme and its well layed out, you just have to read it and understand it to get the scheme.... i used alot of metaphors and allegorys so you probably just didnt catch it... but i spent a good 2 months on this song..
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Old 12-17-2007, 07:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
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c'mon kiddies gimme some advice!
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