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Old 12-08-2007, 07:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Dizzys in the wolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ireland
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Smile Roxanne

This is a twee pop song I wrote, let me know what you think.

Before you, I only dreamt about myself.
But now, you know, I'll never dream of anyone Else.
Tell me that you'll love me more,
And leave me just a little bit less.

You have to mean the world to someone,
Can't you mean the world to me?
I don't want the real reason why,
I want one that I'll believe.

You keep me on my back like there’s no tomorrow,
I’m exactly where you want me to be
Because dreams will never take me,
Anywhere that I’ve never been.

You have to mean the world to someone,
Can't you mean the world to me?
I don't want the real reason why,
I want one that I'll believe.
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There’s something about seeing this city at night
Where we can say what we want and do what we like.
These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.

Last edited by Dizzys in the wolf; 12-10-2007 at 10:30 AM.
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Old 12-10-2007, 04:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
Ace
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Eh. It's alright. I like the last two lines of the first stanza best. Even though leaving someone less, would not make much sense without the word often following. I'm sure there would be a way to redo it.
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Well I left it like that because it has doubled meaning. It could mean the person leaving me less often or it can also mean the person leaving me less to dream and more to have.
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There’s something about seeing this city at night
Where we can say what we want and do what we like.
These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.
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