That day you woke up (doors, Hang) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-12-2007, 02:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 14
Default That day you woke up

banging your fist on the hospital doors
waiting for a sign of life, it never comes
and now you're done

sitting in the next room while they exchange stories
of how far you've come, but your tears won't stop falling
you can't sleep
you never have nice dreams

with each day you trust them less and less
good bodies bad brains, tell yourself you're not obsessed
keep your curtains closed so the world outside
will never know you're fucked and lonely

keep it to yourself, the best you can,
if no one hears you break down then it never happened
keep your fists bloodied and your head against the wall
if it's gonna see you through it try anything at all

moonage-t is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 02:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Dizzys in the wolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ireland
Posts: 158
Default

with each day you trust them less and less
good bodies bad brains, tell yourself you're not obsessed
keep your curtains closed so the world outside
will never know you're ****ed and lonely

Picked up some really cool momentum and the rythem really came through strongly for me but the last line of it kinda cuts it short.
__________________
There’s something about seeing this city at night
Where we can say what we want and do what we like.
These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.
Dizzys in the wolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2007, 06:09 AM   #3 (permalink)
Ace
Ad Astra
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 730
Default

I would suggest changing the second to last line, and working the story out more to sorrow, instead of anger. But this is definately an improvement. Keep workin'.
__________________



Quote:
Originally Posted by RezZ View Post
I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.



Ace is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



© 2003-2023 Advameg, Inc.