Critique my song please (lyrics, effect, title, quote, talent)

boxcarguy07 · 01-04-2008, 12:08 AM

Hey all... new here
Looking for general critiques on my new song.

Can be found here: Stay With Me

Title: Stay With Me
Lyrics:

If you know the way home
I will gladly follow
Can't live with the idea that
I'll still be here tomorrow

So hold my hand
I've come so far
I've travelled from
A distant star

So stay with me
Through the night
I need to be where
My past is out of sight

So stay with me(x3)
I need you

The blackest ash,
Volcano spit
Smears my face
I'm drowning in it

So carry me
Please pick me up
I can't walk much further
I'm sorry, forgive me

So stay with me(x3)
I need you

If you know the way home
I will gladly follow
Can't live with the idea that
I'll still be here tomorrow

Thanks!

Crowe · 01-04-2008, 12:36 AM

Welll how many lyrics have you critiqued so far, Mr. Duff?

boxcarguy07 · 01-04-2008, 12:46 AM

None, sir. It was my first post.
I doubt I'd be of much help with critiquing people... I'm not much of a lyricist, I know mine are really simple. I was more looking for a critique of the recorded song, as well as the lyrics.
However, I will do my best to add to the community, and will be adding my two cents where I see fit.

Crowe · 01-04-2008, 01:21 AM

thank ya!

On your recording for this song, the effect you added to your voice really took away what could be for the lyrical content as well as your own vocal talent... is it necessary?

boxcarguy07 · 01-04-2008, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowe

thank ya!

On your recording for this song, the effect you added to your voice really took away what could be for the lyrical content as well as your own vocal talent... is it necessary?

You are right... it was unnecessary and sounded better without so much effect.
I remixed it... if you don't mind, let me know if it sounds any better!

01-04-2008, 12:08 AM	#1 (permalink)
boxcarguy07 Groupie Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 24	Critique my song please Hey all... new here Looking for general critiques on my new song. Can be found here: Stay With Me Title: Stay With Me Lyrics: If you know the way home I will gladly follow Can't live with the idea that I'll still be here tomorrow So hold my hand I've come so far I've travelled from A distant star So stay with me Through the night I need to be where My past is out of sight So stay with me(x3) I need you The blackest ash, Volcano spit Smears my face I'm drowning in it So carry me Please pick me up I can't walk much further I'm sorry, forgive me So stay with me(x3) I need you If you know the way home I will gladly follow Can't live with the idea that I'll still be here tomorrow Thanks! Last edited by boxcarguy07; 01-05-2008 at 12:17 PM. Reason: Changed link to song

01-04-2008, 12:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	Welll how many lyrics have you critiqued so far, Mr. Duff? __________________

01-04-2008, 01:21 AM	#4 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	thank ya! On your recording for this song, the effect you added to your voice really took away what could be for the lyrical content as well as your own vocal talent... is it necessary? __________________

01-04-2008, 12:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
boxcarguy07 Groupie Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 24	None, sir. It was my first post. I doubt I'd be of much help with critiquing people... I'm not much of a lyricist, I know mine are really simple. I was more looking for a critique of the recorded song, as well as the lyrics. However, I will do my best to add to the community, and will be adding my two cents where I see fit.