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Old 02-09-2008, 06:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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idolgraven's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 2
Default Can I get some feedback on this please(and hello!)

Hi all, I'm writing some stuff (studio project), I wanted some impartial views. (the stars*****are removed words) its not so much lyrics as accompanying prose.

Ancient Curse

She Became at once, and
-knowing no youth-
She was all that is real and sensual
She was Dark and Light
Fire and Ice
Earth and Water
She was Quintessence,
She bled upon the snowy ground
And came in the black sky,
Giving life to the earth
And light to the stars.
There was no creature
Who did not lust after Her…
So much lust-
She was raped and raped again
Until Her chastity was ground to dust
And Her gifts were all gone
She was cast aside to weep,
On the breath of the wind
You can hear Her moaning still.

Her hollow eyes see all
Her shattered soul,
- knowing no youth -
No longer speaks, save for a
Lonely wail in the wind.

In her wake she left a curse,
A clandestine curse, upon men of *****,
Which is barely heard
On the wild desert
Or deep in the pining forest-
It does not dwell there.
But within the hearts of the *******
That curse lays beating,
A pulse as thick as tar
Brimming with caustic burden
Look and you can see its tempo
Throbbing with insistent heat
Fervently waiting to violate again
That calm innocent purity
To know that mystical fount and
The climax of destroying it.
It will never be - for that temptress is lost;
But the lust lives on
An agony
-sin-
They must endure,
Relieved by bodies much less arcane
~knowing no guile~
But tangibly almost as pure
Reduced to acts they denounce and deplore
Corrupt and without castration.

So the world loses the morning dew
From a dawn which was once a brighter hue
But will never sparkle again.

Her dark serendipity
Lives a little in secret places,
Silent places;
Heathen places.
Listen~and with furtive eyes and open heart,
You shall find Her there~
Her song is subtle, yet silvery-shrill
Her obscure gifts are unfathomable,
Yet more momentous than the
Burden of a ***** or a curse.
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