New song I'm currently writing..
 

this is a song I'm writing dedicated to the girl of my dreams.. she doesnt know i like her though. I've only written the first part of the song and i can't think of a title

"I realized something new
I realized that I love you (you)
Thats something i never knew
I never knew til this day
Where i learned something new"


Pretty bad don't you think? =/

Well anyways help need to develop this song!

That's a terrible arrangement of words. D:

My advice:
Don't quit your day job.

:laughing: Try to avoid bad rhyming and predictabilty.

its very cliché. try to be diverse in the words you use, then you sould become a good songwriter.

What are you expecting when you show this girl of your dreams those lyrics? It's not exactly inspirational stuff is it?

The first two lines are passable I guess, even if it's terribly cliche and predictable. The next three lines are just utterly unnecessary...they don't add anything whatsoever to what you're trying to do. What is the point in them? They're also so awkward I can practically see this girl's face cringe. Ditch those and PROGRESS!

Seriously though, better advice is NOT to write a song for a girl until you're dating her (if you must at all). Something tells me you are not dating this girl, can't think what it is but...

good luck.

^ Not always true. Sometimes you always suck.

The lyric you showed us there is particularly bad. My advice in this situation would be to steal somebody elses lyric and pass it off as your own. One of Ethan's poems would be suitably sappy and might impress a girl or at least make her feel sorry for you.

It reminds me of a rhyme used to remember something. Nothing worth saving here, scrap it start again, this time try not to use the same words over and over again unless aiming for an intense repetition piece e.g raindrops,raindrops,raindrops,raindrops

Well I am never single for very long :pimp:

^ That's true. He gets passed around like a Russian hooker. Probably because he IS a Russian hooker.