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Old 03-12-2008, 04:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default New song I'm currently writing..

this is a song I'm writing dedicated to the girl of my dreams.. she doesnt know i like her though. I've only written the first part of the song and i can't think of a title

"I realized something new
I realized that I love you (you)
Thats something i never knew
I never knew til this day
Where i learned something new"


Pretty bad don't you think? =/

Well anyways help need to develop this song!
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Old 03-12-2008, 04:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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That's a terrible arrangement of words. D:

My advice:
Don't quit your day job.
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Old 03-12-2008, 04:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sxruhbaiir View Post
My advice:
Don't quit your day job.
Try to avoid bad rhyming and predictabilty.
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sweet nothing openly flaunts the fact that he is merely the empty shell of an even more unadmirable member. his loneliness and need for attention bleeds through every letter he types. edit: i would just like to add that i'm ashamed that he's from texas. surely you didn't grow up in texas, did you sweet nothing?
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Old 03-12-2008, 05:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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its very cliché. try to be diverse in the words you use, then you sould become a good songwriter.
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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What are you expecting when you show this girl of your dreams those lyrics? It's not exactly inspirational stuff is it?

The first two lines are passable I guess, even if it's terribly cliche and predictable. The next three lines are just utterly unnecessary...they don't add anything whatsoever to what you're trying to do. What is the point in them? They're also so awkward I can practically see this girl's face cringe. Ditch those and PROGRESS!

Seriously though, better advice is NOT to write a song for a girl until you're dating her (if you must at all). Something tells me you are not dating this girl, can't think what it is but...

good luck.
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Old 03-14-2008, 06:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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^ Not always true. Sometimes you always suck.
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Old 03-23-2008, 04:13 AM   #7 (permalink)
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The lyric you showed us there is particularly bad. My advice in this situation would be to steal somebody elses lyric and pass it off as your own. One of Ethan's poems would be suitably sappy and might impress a girl or at least make her feel sorry for you.
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Old 03-24-2008, 10:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It reminds me of a rhyme used to remember something. Nothing worth saving here, scrap it start again, this time try not to use the same words over and over again unless aiming for an intense repetition piece e.g raindrops,raindrops,raindrops,raindrops
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Painstaking devotion and love
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Old 03-24-2008, 02:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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One of Ethan's poems would be suitably sappy and might impress a girl or at least make her feel sorry for you.
Well I am never single for very long
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Old 03-24-2008, 06:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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^ That's true. He gets passed around like a Russian hooker. Probably because he IS a Russian hooker.
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