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Old 06-21-2008, 10:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
The Professor
 
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Location: New York City
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Default One Last Wish

I can't help but remember,
our silhouette's dancing to our silent symphony
our eyes telling our brain of a fairy-tale place and time
where you and I would mend into one.
Plots and plans of a future design,
Crumbled before my very eyes,
The flame we began to gracefully set,
Extinguished with Godís grim breath.
An irreversible decision was your way out,
Thoughts invaded your mind with doubt

If only we had one more night,
If only we had one last kiss goodbye.

If only the stars could spell out where you are,
So I can let my dreams fly high and far,
With the comforting thoughts of you and me together,
Than the horrid reality brings me back to December,
And I can feel the soreness of where cupids arrow struck,
Was love worth the pain? Was this love based on luck?
Countless hours spent getting lost in your stories,
And countless days embracing your glories,
When no one else was there,
Or even cared.
Daddy wasnít around,
And mommies chains kept you bound,
But things couldíve worked out,
But thoughts invaded your brain with doubt,
I wanted to help you breakaway from the chains,
Yet I stare into this note, with a red stain,
Symbolizing your anguish and fear,
I was always the one to wipe away the shed tears,
But you left me, you left me here trying to make sense of it all,
But everywhere I look there is your pink wall,
Haunting me because you yourself is afraid of coming back to the place that did you wrong,
I yarn for our reunion, And one last kiss is what I long for.

If only we had one more night,
If only we had one last kiss goodbye.

It's a song gone bad I think....Any help is greatly appreciated.
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Old 06-28-2008, 11:56 AM   #2 (permalink)
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the line 'Extinguished with God’s grim breath.' sounds cool to me. The second half has really cool parts. I like how different the poem is but certain words sound cliche ish to me. It could be what you were goin for. pretty cool
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Old 06-28-2008, 04:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loser
It's a song gone bad I think
no kidding

were you listening to saetia when you wrote this
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CAPTAIN CAVEMAN View Post
no kidding

were you listening to saetia when you wrote this
I was actually haha...
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