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Old 10-18-2008, 11:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast (U.S.A)
Posts: 3
Default Sample of my writing...

Hmm, I'm new, and I've been writing songs and poems for awhile now, but I really haven't shown them to many people, and those who I have shown them to don't know much about writing, so I'd like some opinions from people here...

Here's a sample of my writing (a song):

Untitled (I have a habit of not titling things)

I am the one, the only one
And I can't handle what you've done
You've made me want to run away
From everything I love.

You make me want to dissipate
To fade into the classic state
Of realizing that I
Will never understand...

Why oh why you raise your hand
When you could just speak up
And say what's on your mind
Maybe you're unkind, maybe you're confined...

Confined to thinking in the box
Not reaching out to see the clock
Is already past twelve,
And its too late to dwell...

On the past or on the future
Because we don't do know what to do here
And maybe we're all ****ed,
Because that's just who we are.

And I'm the one, the only one
And I still can't handle what you've done
You made me want to run away
From everything I love (everything I love).

And now you are the enemy
The classic foe who cannot see
That what they've done is wrong,
That what they've done, it hurts.

And I just wish I could get past
All of this because it has,
Has to hurt us both
And no one's in control (No, I'm not in control).

And I'm the one, the only one
Who cannot handle what you've done
You made me want to run away
From everything I love (And you can't be forgiven).


Tell me what you think. If you think its great, let me know, if you think it sucks, let me know. But please, don't just say that it sucks, critique it or give me some advice. I'd love to improve my writing, and I'm sure I could do so with suggestions from you guys.
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