Fruitonica's Songwriting Journal
 

....this made me cringe in hindsight

Nice imagery. Good first attempt.

First of all I did like this, but you did ask for criticism so I'll tell you what I think.
Like you said, it was a little scattered, but it's definitely a good start. I especially enjoyed the ant imagery/comparison.
As I was reading it though, it did seem a bit wordy, like you were perhaps trying to hard. Seemed as if you might've used a thesaurus to write it. Whether this is true or not, using complex words can be a good thing, but I feel like this poem might've had an excess. Although, it is much better to start out too complicated, rather than too simple. Kudos on the first attempt, keep writing.

Thanks for the advice, it's appreciated.