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Old 01-04-2009, 03:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default i feel self-conscious about this

because its kind of shit
but here goes

once i was a man but then
i took a step outside myself
i saw the world as it saw itself
i came to know my inner ___

now it all just looks the same
it twists and turns and falls away
everyone sings the same refrain
and the game still remains

so i'll play for today
just building sand castles
and when they wash away
i'll stare in the ocean
when you reach the shore
don't be dissapointed
the land cannot
stretch on forever

tommorow will be different
tommorow is the same
if you wait forever
you will never learn my name

think things through to the very end
and you'll find yourself where you began
in a moment lies eternity
we endure it all patiently

but if we toss away our hope
and despair is just another joke
we find ourselves at the center of it all
try to stand there and you will fall

build a fire to burn your idols
remember to include yourself
the eye looks past all the mirrors
until it stares into itself

tell me all your deepest secrets
i have them too
when we are completely naked
everything will fit together
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Old 01-04-2009, 04:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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What is with people afraid to share their poetry/song writing? Well anyway, I thought it was very well done. The last to lines though what excatly did you mean by
"When we are completly naked, everything will fit together." hmm?
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Old 01-04-2009, 04:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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well one meaning is obvious but it also has to do with sunyata
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Old 01-04-2009, 04:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Sucks. Ok not really...it's fine

I liked this part the best
Quote:
but if we toss away our hope
and despair is just another joke
probably because the words flowed rather well so I could imagine it being sung from just reading it. Not bad.
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Old 01-04-2009, 04:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cardboard adolescent View Post
well one meaning is obvious but it also has to do with sunyata
In other words, filling the emptiness?
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Old 01-04-2009, 04:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
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well the buddhist idea is that if things are self-enclosed, static entities as we tend to think about them there would absolutely no way they can interact. but since everything in itself is emptiness all points are condensed into one and there is an circumcessional interpenetration allowing relations to form out of constant flux.
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Old 01-04-2009, 07:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
tell me all your deepest secrets
i have them too
when we are completely naked
everything will fit together
So I don't really understand your explanation of this, the buddhist idea and what not, but I have my own interpretation.
The idea that within a relationship, once you are freely open with each other and share your ideas/beliefs/etc, you can truly know one another and therefore no unknown stands between you.
I realize this may not have been your idea, but that is what it means to me and I feel like being able to write something that people can personally relate to is key.
Good job, definitely not crap.
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Old 01-05-2009, 02:49 AM   #8 (permalink)
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sure, that too.
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Old 01-05-2009, 03:52 AM   #9 (permalink)
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--tell me all your deepest secrets
i have them too
when we are completely naked
everything will fit together--

Excellent Tom.
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Old 01-05-2009, 07:15 AM   #10 (permalink)
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when we are naked
completely
naked when we are
naked completely
completely

Now all you have to do is turn it into a song and i'll work on the remix
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