City Of The Sea
 

I know that the "City of the Sea" line is repeated a lot, but it kind of becomes a chant, almost chorus.

City Of The Sea

Judgement will come and wash us clean,
Just like the city of the sea.
Our eyes are lost in deep marine
Just like the city of the sea.

The sun won't shine, and birds won't sing
Just like the city of the sea.
Our words will fade, like sea to steam
Just like the city of the sea

Monuments to be sunken down,
Obscuring both their pride and crown
And soon our place will cease to be
Just like the city of the sea.

Redemption's not found in this scene
Just like the city of the sea.
We'll soon learn what "breathless" means
Just like the city of the sea.

Vicious eyes will start to gleam
Just like the city of the sea.
The waters waves can hear no scream
Just like the city of the sea.

Our hands can't reach the surface now
We've lost the throne and dropped the crown
And soon our place will cease to be
Just like the city of the sea.

:( Anyone?

Pretty good. . . Poe was an inspiration I suspect?

I wish it were even that cool. I was watching a bit of stargate atlantis, which kinda made me wonder in the first place what would cause a city to just sink and vanish.

I get that it's supposed to be dark, but for some reason I keep seeing bright images in my mind.. I think it's just the words you use to rhyme aren't harsh enough. Of course there are some brightly dark poems, I've written one myself. I like, not love it, but it's definitely showing that you have a great potential. (and I understand it repeats a lot, but it almost seems like too much. But art is a matter of opinion, and something I dislike can be the reason someone loves the poem)

Monuments to be sunken down,
Obscuring both their pride and crown

(Favorite lines n_n )

For sure you have potential. I really like it. I can't wait to see more of your work.