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Old 02-22-2009, 04:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: California
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Default Unison

This is one of the only love poems you will see by me. Mainly because they're cheesy, and I completely and utterly fail at them. There is a story behind this one though...

Words once freed my soul
But when thinking of you
They fail me

I take out my pen
Hoping the ink will match my blood
But my vein is cut
And the blood spills out
Leaving a hollow feel
To my once sacred words

What is it about you
That limits me
That causes my world to halt
That magnifies the emptiness
That inherits my soul
Leaving me a shell
That writes without thought
Without passion
Without feeling, envy, pain,
Sorrow, joy, strength!
Words without heart,
Are all you have left me...

So please:

All I ask is that you return
The person that I was.
And the only way to revive me
Is by Unison
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Feign View Post
[SIZE="2"][I]
I take out my pen
Hoping the ink will match my blood
But my vein is cut
And the blood spills out
Leaving a hollow feel
To my once sacred words
I like this stanza, although I would suggest using synonyms of things like "Take Out" that are more powerful.

For some reason, when I read this it doesn't come across to me as a love poem, but rather as a poem of hopeless infatuation, if that makes any sense. It's rather depressing actually.
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Old 02-22-2009, 10:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
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yes, that is sort of (exactly) what it is. I just don't want to call it a hopeless infatuation poem, and love is generalized enough =P
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