definetly. poetry and song writing often goes in tandem.

Well how are you going to make someone prove it is a song & not a poem?

Make them take pics of their band & post links to songs?

who knows....

bored
 

I havn't submitted in forever and I figured why not. I wrote this in about 10 mins, so it sucks I know, but if it has any potential, drop me some comments.

All the Kings Men

Subtle words trace as razors and
Snake through my thirsty ears.
I drink the sentiment of forked tounges
And feel it crawl my spine.

The blood on your lips is the
Color of your hair. I can taste the
Memory of Marlboros on your breath
And the lingering disgust of late night
Blind Passion.

My hands knew the curves of your
Hips. I know the path of your mind.
I’ve felt this kingdom for all its cracks, I’ve breeched
Your stoic walls.
All the kings men wait on the horizon, the white flags gone
Red under the pale moons sky.

Thats really good for somethin' you wrote in 10 mins. I agree with the it having potential thing, with more work I think it would be really good.

My hands knew the curve of your hips, I knew the path of your mind.


That is one ****ing brilliant line. The first verse I didn't really like, I found it a bit cheesy, but the rest of the song was good especially the last verse. And like CQ said, it's good for something you wrote in 10 minutes.

I like it too, it might work better without the first verse, maybe with a completely different first verse which sets the scene better for the other two sections (as well as sounding a bit cheesy, the first verse seemed pretty unrelated to the other two). As you've said yourself, we want to know things like where, when, who and to hear enough detail to believe that what we're reading or hearing is actually real, so that we can really get into it. The second and third verses do that nicely, the first one doesn't as it creates the question "whose 'subtle words' and whose 'forked tongues'?" which you don't answer and because we don't really have a scene the readers aren't really in a position to guess.

agree with him completely, but i think the rest of it was just ok...

Agree with this mec up here

It always strikes me as weird why someone discounts their own work when they post it to be critiqued - and again why you write something in 10 minutes and tell us about it. But most of the time - they are usually correct and we can tell that it was written in 10 minutes and that it "sucks". That really isn't the case here - it is a nice launching pad for something that it could become - it's like a coloring book - you have the picture - now just fill it in. Bit cheesy like someone said - but love is cheesy - so, there you are.

The allusion to a deeper meaning is obvious... maybe too obvious? Sort of contrived almost like... "Yes, I'm trying to get this vague message out - my theme - but I'm going to do it in a round about way." Just walking that line... be careful, I used to do that and thats when I changed my style to the storyteller that I am today...

color in the picture big guy, then you'll have something! Good start though~