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Old 02-27-2009, 01:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Default Does That Stop The Sun?

ehh got bored... decided to write a poem for the first time... here's what came out.

"Haunting eyes, share familar memories of monsters and mice mocking our chivalry. Nocturnal youth rush in, subconciously praying for the light to give way, bringing the night, ending the day.

Warmth rises like the sun chasing cold winters away. Shining light on something new felt by the remaining few.
Yes we are young!
But does that stop the Sun?
This feeling knows no age
for the chemicals are all the same.

Flames still consume the young with desire. So pack your things and lets play in the fire. Let the flames lick at our feet from desires of sailing fleets. Because out hearts still beat.

Does our heart not beat? "


What do yall think? I'm trying to turn it into a song, but can't figure out a good chorus or which stanza to possible choose as the chorus.
Juturna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2009, 01:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juturna View Post
What do yall think? I'm trying to turn it into a song, but can't figure out a good chorus or which stanza to possible choose as the chorus.
It's good for a first.
Chorus' are overrated imo. If it doesn't work with the song, don't force it.
Don't force anything.
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