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-   -   My first songs!! What do you think? (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/39329-my-first-songs-what-do-you-think.html)

yvi_poison 04-11-2009 06:37 AM

My first songs!! What do you think?
 
Hello everybody, I´m new here, and I just started writing some what i hopefully can be songs, Id like your honest opinion, they are not 100% finished yet, Ive written around 20 songs now, 2 of my songs:

----

Queen of bordeaux


Somewhere between her glass and mind
Driving questions to dead points
Could it been her heart playing her blind
Listening to some song with unkind words
the bottle is calling her back
her empty dreams so black

She is the queen of bordeaux
She is the queen of bordeaux
Her teeth tells the truth
Will she be breathing again
She is lonely She is lonely
Fill the gap with the blood
that poison this beauty
She will be the queen
of her destiny

Asking if her day has been okay
Watching her hands shaking
Hinding her fear behind that smile
Would somebody worship her
Listening to her weeping through the wine
the life is calling her back
her empty heart so black

She is the queen of bordeaux
She is the queen of empty glasses
and broken hearts



..............------



Wishing on something

I never thought there was so many stars upon us
shining for the one who is waiting
I never thought Id have a star shooting for me
Where did you hide, did you not want to be bounded
Floating up around and thinking
You must have heard me hinting

Wishing for a fantasy with no end
Wishing for the magic to be mine
I´ve never seen a heart so fine.
There is only you
To take me away
Wanting for someone who makes me feel like you do.
To think I am one of the few

I wanted to tell you that night
But your arms wouldn´t let me wait
That there is nobody like you
I never thought Id be in this state
devoting an star falling down
You must have heard me praying, saying.

Wishing for a fantasy with no end
Wishing for the dream to be mine
I´ve never seen a heart as divine.
There will be only you
To take me away
Wishing on something like you
To take me with the storm

Wishing on a dream to live by
Through the hurting
To always be mine
Somewhere you will always be waiting

Drunk Butterfly 04-11-2009 11:54 AM

Wow, what a great lyrics, you have amazing talent

yvi_poison 04-11-2009 12:19 PM

thank u so much, really nice to hear:) I think they could maybe be better somehow?

clockworkmice 04-11-2009 05:25 PM

I like the first one a lot as it has a nice gritty real life feel, however I'm not too fond of the second one mostly because the concept isn't something quite as interesting as the first.

Skigh 04-12-2009 02:04 AM

ReL: "Wishing on Somethng". Awesome lyrics ,that completely moved me because I imagined you wrote it for me! lol! I love your mind! Those are the lyrics of a very special, highly talented, creative artist/musician. Thank you forsharing. It made my night!

yvi_poison 04-12-2009 06:07 AM

wow! thanks thats nice to hear from you! Its my first songs and this really gives me confident to go further with my lyrics/ideas:)

Bronxo 04-14-2009 08:37 AM

i like the first one really much, otherwise well done mate. Keep it up :D

yvi_poison 04-15-2009 12:04 PM

suddenly
I hide behind this facade
stars in your eyes is blinding
my illusions

Northernlight
I call on you
attack me above
touch me from above
suffocate the night
Northernlight
Northernlight
Northernlight

In this night I fall in
A grief I cant recall
your hands
my pain

Northernlight
Sense my fear
attack m from above
touch me from nowhere
suffocate the fear
Northernlight
Northernlight
This night

Holding my breath
in this fire
heart losing beats
You say you say
you did

Northernlight
wipe my tears
with this power
touch me from above
Northernlight
Northernlight
tonight
Northernlight you sense
my fear
tonight

Come now to me
Northernlight
attack me free
this last
time

lalasingergirl 04-16-2009 12:24 PM

great lyrics. do you write music also? i think you are onto a good start! very complex and doesnt give too much away. nice!

moondust 04-16-2009 01:28 PM

rubbish and thats being generous


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