daysleeper1985's Songwriting Journal
 

Thisbes' scarf lies left of center.

Abandoning the years I will raise the waters,
Drink from walls of tears
And bury hatchets deep in all the woods of pine
To lie bereft of all desire,with adonis
To control what is not mine.

Muted minions
Sidetrack to cover roars beyond the lions reach!
All mirrors and dawns now reflect a desperate yellow,
For the grains of time drip carelessly,
Thriving to cover both bone and marrow.

Within the cavern sits venus-
Scratching thin skinned leeches for they have sucked deep
To seep the succulence of youth from the trickles of temptation,
Extracting subtle silver shines of truth.

A quick dip into songwriting...help lol!
 

Not my usual medium but variety is the spice of life afterall, also guess this is more lyricism than song writing,but you get the idea i'm sure,words for music....any advice/opinions/slanderous coments appreciated

Paradise auction

When you were in paradise,
lost or found,
and the highest house hyacinth reflected summer-
did you ever look at the price?
did you even notice the jazzband drummer?

He played your life in a sixty cent promise
He rattled you off in a wrist shake destiny-

feel it
catch it
play it

sundown hotel,crazy neopryn spider wall drenched to death-
sold, highest bidder! forty two and o...oh oh oh
sing it to me- sing it in your faded bathroom voice-
where have you disappeared to?
paradise lost and found!

someone called your bluff,
she called your heart and raised you hers,
out here the jazzband plays a different song-
immaculate and succulent- the leeches leech life...

did you ever look at the price?

feel it,
catch it,
pay it,

notice the jazzband drumboy

feel him,
roll with him,
breathe him.

But notice her.

not bad, keep on doin what ya do.

whoa, very impressed. is this metal though?

written as a poem but i can see where your coming from,never thought of it as a lyric

Difficult to write, but getting there
 

Guess I've been mulling over this for about three years now and it seems to be getting there, still lacks a definitive direction but i'm begginning to think there inlies a beautiful dissonance that can't be found by searching (perhaps that qualifies as blissfull ignorance but I won't apologise!!)


Drowning Beyond The Cities Flood


A wounded scene plays out
In front of this nightime serenade,
And amongst the cities lights
Memories of starlight begin to fade,
Merging and multipliying behind
The road that I now travel-
A child beyond the realms of understanding;
An expert of the parallel.

"Broken by the passing feet"
Tethered and trenched,
While all around me sinking down
Into tempers stained glass windows.
Lost within and weary, a transient-drown;
Below her eighteenth century flood,
The great escape begins, a lonely river flows.

many thanks, will do :)

ha, I imagine this being sung in sort of a mars volta-ish way, but more poppy.

I like the imagery, but I'm not keen on the repetitive three liner.

yeah i guess i tried a bit too hard to get away from a poetic form and threw it in there without any serious amount of thought...was listening to alot of rory gallagher and james brown hen i was writing this so if you can try to merge the soulful blues guitarism that is rory with the crazed soulful blues that is james browns voice then you get a vague idea of how i could imagine this being played but it is the sort of lyric that could be done in many styles i feel...cheers for the feedback :)

A very quick thought, Undeveloped, Raw, yet for some reason finished
 

Condensation.


The memory flowered, a seasonal secretion,
almost dream swept, with Winter laden incision-
The playground roundabout dizzy spell,
secluded successions and Summers smell.

A derision of her kitchen scented day,
sweeping by within the kettle pot steaming
up yesterdays window message, remembering-
always- that this, too, will pass away.

I love the imagery. I felt as if I was looking into the window of an old-time's home. Beautiful.

I'd change the phrase "seasonal secretion".
Secretion isn't a word you want to use unless you're describing a bodily function. It takes the mind away from the overall imagery you've achieved here.

Other than that, it's pretty swell.

You should make a demo.
Questionable Tip: Use Synth Pad, it might add to the imagery

The Sandmans Visit
 

One of my earliest poems, still stands out to me for some reason as a defining moment.

The Sandmans Visit

Through the darkness of all discreet
Masked by helpless thoughts of sleep,
I leave the troubled waters deep
To flow their way for dreams are sweet.

In all we see and seem lies grief
It seeps from luminous moments, brief.
Within the shadows skulks a thief
The sandman lurks with swollen feet.

Beyond the lake I watch for him
And hum along to broken hymns.
While strewn away in woods lit dim
Our fears demur so we can't swim.

With time comes day; with day, the light;
Clocks now spin from swirling flight.
I wished for dawn: dazzled delight!
Instead I lie adhered to night.

Absolutly lovely. Wouldn't change a thing.

Really Good :clap:
i just used the clap smiley:D

cheers for the feedback...like I said it really was just a very quick thought and it just keeps growing on me the more i read it...think I may keep padding it out before I'm totally happy but I'm glad you see it in a positive light

I'd stick with "secretion" if I were you. "Excretion", for example, might not convey quite the same intriguing mood.

I'd stick with "secretion " if I were you. "
"Excretion" for example wouldn't convey quite the same mood.

Great advice.
Would you like to change her first two words to Colostamy Bag while you're at it?

reminds me a little of the lyrics to Winter Birds by Ray LaMontagne. Beautiful song:

It's the Widow now that owns that angry plow,
The spartan Mule and The Crippled Cow
The fallow field that will yield no more,
As the fox lay sleeping beneath her kitchen floor

The stream can't contain such the withering rain,
And from the pasture the fence it is leaning away
The clouds crack and growl
Like some great cat on the prowl
Crying out, "I am, I am" over and over again

The days grow short
As the nights grow long
The kettle sings its tortured song
As many petalled kiss I place upon her brow,
Oh, my lady, Lady I am loving you now

The winter birds have come back again,
Here the sprightly Chickadee
Gone now is the Willow Wren
In passing greet each other as if old, old friends
And to the voiceless trees
It is their own they will lend

The days grow short
As the nights grow long
The kettle sings its tortured song
As many petalled kiss I place upon her brow,
Oh, my lady, Lady I am loving you now

And though all these things will change,
The memories will remain
As green to gold, and gold to brown
The leaves will fall to feed the ground
And in their falling, make no sound

Oh my lady,
Lady I am loving you now

I've gathered all my money and I'm goin' to town,
To buy my lady a long and flowing gown
'Cause come tomorrow morning
We're off to the county fair
I'll find a yellow flower
And I will lace it in her hair

Hey, New rules

Hey, they'll see it.

You don't need to post this all over the songwriting forum, thanks.

daysleeper, your threads have been merged into one.

Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.