Um....no one?
Thats ok, I'll try not to post anything too....bland in the future. I just was kinda hoping you guys would give me some tips? *pouts*

Don't worry about it, I've had many good songs die on these boards.
Try to avoid cliches like "shine like a diamond" and the like, think of your own ways to say them, make them personal. They always end up being able to describe what you're trying to say better than Cliches do.

And don't be so down on yourself.

I hate this.
Christians need to stop telling open-minded individuals to go to Hell.


Why don't you write something like this instead:

A man walked up to me the other day
He had a shirt on that said
"Homophobia is whack"
I said, "Hey, you're going to Hell."

Then the man kissed me
It was wonderful

Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like

Never knew I was gay
Always thought it was something you learned

Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like

Amen






Rough draft.

^ :laughing:

Um, actually, I wrote this song with homophobia in mind. What if the person who was writing out the bible (through God, I guess), screwed up and put one of his own opinions in there? And that opinion was to stone the ***s? And God, real God, doesn't really care if you're straight or ***, he just wants peace and equality?

But what happens to the bad-egg "prophet"? He goes to hell, but since he started an army of small-minded bigots, he "brought everyone down with him".

I'm aware that these arn't good, but I'M NOT A BIGOT. I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBE. AND THIS SONG ISN'T REALLY A CHRISTIAN ANTHEM. Its fiction.

well that was terrible

Are they not interchangeable?

Leh, I dunno. Existentialist.

Yes, I know its crap. I always sort of knew it was crap. But what can I do to NOT write crap? What can I do to improve on the monstrosity I have created?

Read lyrics of the masters. Do drugs, open your mind. Start looking at the world in a different way, one of abstract metaphors and connections.

TumorAttitude, your threads have been merged into one.

Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.