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Old 06-03-2009, 10:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
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Default Could use some honest opinions

I wrote a song for the first time. I just would like a few opinions, see what other people think. I dont have music for it, but I think it would be similar pace to music by the Fray

My world has fallen dark tonight
The clouds roll in and the truth came down
He's not so perfect after all
Now I'm caught up in the dark without a light

Time turns the pages, I quickly lose my place
Swept up in the dark i feel alone
Turn it upside down, there's no way I can erase
You found me in the clouds, now here we are
And the story starts again


I want to feel
Open your eyes and let me in
Jaded and broken but im standing here
Take it all, Lets make this real



Seeing you inside my head
I hear you playing for me as i sleep
I'm together with the feelings from the sound
right beside you I'm alone in my bed

i wake and find your so far away
i ride on an angels wings to be near you
hiding the fear i have i smile in your arms
i hang my hopes on every word that you say


I want to feel
Open your eyes and let me in
Jaded and broken but im standing here
Take it all, Lets make this real


do you want to be something to me
wrap me up in all that you are
i am everything you want
ill take take the chance if you can see

I want to feel
Open your eyes and let me in
Jaded and broken but im standing here
Take it all, Lets make this real
Hurt me gently
I feel the warmth on my skin
Don't turn off the light
It all falls on us
I want to feel
Open your eyes and let me in
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Old 06-03-2009, 11:22 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I think you could go with a simple title like "Dark" or "Jaded"
i suggest when you start creating the music start with piano/keyboard (or MIDI)
then go on to either guitar/bass, add drums/percussion and then anyhing else you believe would go with the song.
i think this is very good song. what you could do is record the vocals so we know what it sounds like, and then after some listening some people might help you out.
also are there any other influences you can think of?
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Old 06-06-2009, 10:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I think I smell a promo attempt coming really soon
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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i agree that a good piano intro would go well. when i read the lyrics, it reminds me of something like: I wont see you tonight Pt1 - avenged sevenfold, you should check it out, it might give you some ideas
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