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Old 07-03-2009, 09:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Post Facts - own song

plz comment and tell me what u think plz!

FACTS - ME

i finally found it
all days being around it
you and me forever
to the end of time

its gona be okay
clearly now i see
what i have in front of me
u always have been there but i was blind

Sick of all from behind
but now im afraid of loosing u
cuz u are my one and only!

/CHORUS/
Thing we are falling(apart)
im just dreaming
how does it feel?
MY ONE AND ONLY!
(x2)


Reaching to the sky,
when i hear ur voice
u are MY ONE AND ONLY!

The stars will tell,
my heart will tell u,
but never enough how much i care u.

feeling like stressed,
feeling like a mess
u are always there
MY ONE AND ONLY!

/CHORUS/(x1)


The pressure the strenght
of the dreams broken
just another step,
ITS destiny!(destiny)

/CHORUS/(x1)
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Old 07-05-2009, 04:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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please comment,i really need to knoww!!!
thnx!
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Old 07-14-2009, 12:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sogriter1300 View Post
please comment,i really need to knoww!!!
thnx!
Hi, sogriter1300,
Your song about the fear that a significant other does not love you (the singer) anymore, and the relief when the singer realizes that the significant other does (at least this is what I think the song expresses), reminds me of several other songs because of certain word choices:

You write: "clearly now i see"
which is a lot like the famous song line: "I can see clearly now"

and there's some song from the 80s I think about someone finally realizing the person in front of him was the one he should have been in love with the whole time (is it a Chicago song? I can't remember).

Avoiding common phrases that already exist in other songs can be challenging. I usually try to avoid them (if I know about them), but whether to do that is up to the songwriter...and sometimes it is hard to do this, because no single individual has heard all songs that exist! I do think it is important for the songwriter (you) to know what parts of the song seem like others, so then you can have the choice whether to modify these lines or not.

I noticed the song is missing several missing words, so I recommend you check the lyrics over for those: "but never enough how much i care u," for example, is missing the "for" before the u.

I've heard a lot of songs about destiny in relationships ("destiny" being in your final line), which is one view of why relationships happen. Since I don't share that view of any relationship, it is hard for me to relate to that sentiment in a song, but I do understand that it must be a common feeling people have when they are in love, and when one does have the feeling it is a nice because it makes one feel that being with the beloved is the right choice.

My favorite lines in your song are:
Quote:
The pressure the strength
of the dreams broken
just another step,
because I interpret these lines as showing that the trials and tribulations of a relationship are just small steps in the big scheme of the relationship, and most relationships involve some breaking of dreams (not that this is necessarily bad).
--Erica

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 07-14-2009 at 12:40 AM.
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Old 07-14-2009, 10:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
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thanks Erica, and ill try, to fix my mistakes, yeah my favorite lines are those too!
Yes,I took some lines from other songs, because i thought it would fit in.
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