Excellent

nice

VeggieLover

Ok, I'm back... again! This time I'm really going to dive in the forum cuz, lets face it, I need some serious help familiarizing myself with the music of the world (which is completely necessary if I'm going to devote my life to music as i currently plan to do). I've been writing many more songs and poems, but I'll go ahead and put up my newest, finished piece. I'm also going to get a youtube account so i can put up a video. No title yet, though something along the lines of "Carpe Diem" would probably be fitting. This is meant for the piano (though I'm not very good yet) and is probably my pop-iest piece..

Intro
Are you kidding me,
Another day I've gotta be productive.
The sun got out of bed today as if to say
Where have you been?
Head under the covers,
Cannot be discovered....
Until when?

Verse 1
Leanin' off the cracked curb
Trip and fall
Hello pavement, the ground is soft
So soft
Even when I'm down I'm lookin' up

Verse 2
Strangers smile as they walk past
Brushin' by and runnin' fast
Brush on by
Slow it down a little and use your eyes

Bridge
Singin' reelin' funny feelin'
The world is mine today

Chorus 1
Dancin to the symphony
Of the passin' bumblebee
Up and down the sidewalk
Launched from the arms
Of the sunflower breeze

(repeat verse 2 and bridge)

Chorus 2
Gazin' at the speedin' clouds
Livin' slow but livin' loud
Walkin' through the empty streets
Caught in the joy of a free livin sound

Outro
So much empty time with plans in mind
Yet to be started
The sun has gone to bed today as if to say
This day is done.
Head under the covers
Cannot be discovered....

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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

VEGANGELICA

Veggie, I've been meaning to comment on your lyrics for over a month now! It seems like ages since you've been back at MusicBanter.

I'm glad you've been writing many more songs and poems, but I must say...where is all this diving into the forum you talked about! (Just giving you a hard time. I hope you'll really come back for good someday when you are less busy.)

Do you have your YouTube account yet? I'd like to hear the song because the lyrics by themselves give me a feeling that they are like a split personality. On one hand, the singer appears to want to have her head under the covers, hiding from the day, yet on the other hand much of the song describes embracing life and feeling happy about it, as in the cheerful Chorus 1. Is the person ambivalent, both hiding from and embracing life?

I like your airy, summery descriptions of the day: "symphony of the passing bumblebee" and "sunflower breeze."

The line about tripping and falling on the curb confused me a little when you wrote, "Hello pavement. The ground is soft/ so soft." Since "hello pavement" suggests she if falling on that hard surface, why is it that in the next moment she is lying on the soft ground?
My point is that I spent more time thinking about how these lines about the pavement could make sense than enjoying them.

I like how you say, "Even when I'm down I'm looking up," since I imagine her on her back where she fell, looking up at the sky and clouds and thinking, "Well, yes, I fell...but what a lovely way to look up at the sky!" That is definitely "looking up," literally and figuratively.

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