Music Banter

Music Banter (https://www.musicbanter.com/)
-   Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/)
-   -   Hey dudes/dudettes (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/42719-hey-dudes-dudettes.html)

Shivs 07-29-2009 09:49 PM

Thanks dude.

Shivs 07-29-2009 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicktarist (Post 711477)
yeah, I like what asshat is sayin' here: Context Context Context. Nice work-- although it seems a little too intelligent to be grunge.

peace,
-nick

Ehh, we'll see right? :P Either grunge or folk rock is what I'm hoping for.

Nicktarist 07-30-2009 01:38 PM

I would say Freak Folk is your best bet. You have the freedom of expirimental and the intelligence of folk all combined into one neat little package with a 'the sh!t' stamp on it. :D

Shivs 07-30-2009 02:10 PM

Thanks man :D Never heard of Freak Folk, guess I'll have to check that out!

someonecompletelyrandom 07-30-2009 04:51 PM

I'd suggest this wonderful little genre called Music. Basically the idea is you make whatever the f-ck you want and don't worry about it falling under any specific label.

Shivs 07-30-2009 05:04 PM

True that man, I'm just gonna go with it and see how it turns out. Hopefully I'm gonna collaborate with a friend of mine, apparently she writes lyrics and plays guitar too, so I think that'd sound kinda good.

Nicktarist 08-01-2009 10:16 AM

Quote:

I'd suggest this wonderful little genre called Music. Basically the idea is you make whatever the f-ck you want and don't worry about it falling under any specific label.
The point of deciding on a genre is not to choose a label to fall under, but to have a place to start. Once you decide that, you can do whatever you want with your own definition of the genre.

For instance, my brothers and I have been working on this "Folk" project. But let's be honest, it sometimes feels more like jazz and/or Funk than it does Folk. But we still call it our Folk project. See what I'm gettin' at here?

peace,
-nick

VEGANGELICA 08-03-2009 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shivs (Post 708108)
" Nectar "

Come out from your hole, always nocturnal
Predators instincts are dirty and feral
Search the stock until you become so sick (use of alliteration!)
Handle of the door now clicks

Now, you don't stop,
It's all for gain, it's in the chain
I take my punishment,
You take your sins
This wasp without a stinger,
Blank, tortured grin

Mating season comes upon us
Big queen bee will now sell fake lust
I search for the flower,
I'm trapped in the hive,
Survive for the nectar
For the nectar we must

Purposely futile satisfaction
My family is trapped inside this old soup tin
Grazing the forest for hope, for truth
Strangers graze the forest as a personal booth

Power in my hands, traded for a substance
Satisfy the man,
Once your in, there's no chance
Fueled by desire to love and to hate
Shackled by a fire,
Accepted our fates

Mating season is again upon us,
Big queen bee will now sell fake lust
I search for the flower
Been trapped in a hive,
Survive for the nectar,
For the nectar we must

Can anyone guess what this one's about?

Hi, Shivs,
I decided to start by reviewing your song, "Nectar," especially since I like riddles!

In answer to your question, I think the song describes a woman prostitute in a brothel (she is trapped inside the "old soup tin"). The "Big queen bee will now sell fake lust" is the madam who controls the women in the brothel (I'm imagining one in India). The woman forced to be a prostitute has to fake the lust to get the nectar...perhaps the money/drugs that are payment by the man.

"My family is trapped" reminds me of a movie I saw about a woman prostitute in India whose little girl lived with her, having to leave the room whenever a customer came (ahh, no pun intended). The "old tin can" metaphor stands out most strongly in my mind, because this sounds like the brothels I've seen (in movies). These are no lovely honeycomb hive out in some flower-filled meadow, but, like you describe, a place of destitution and dirt...an old tin can.

Assuming I am correct, then I think the imagery of the hive, in which female workers (the bees) do their repetitive work for the sake of the Queen (who in prostitution gets most of the money) is an appropriate metaphor for a brothel. "I'm trapped in the hive, survive for the nectar" succinctly describes the hopelessness and desperation of the situation in which the woman can't leave but also needs to stay (especially if addicted to a drug, for example).

I assume the predators at the beginning are the men? One question I have is whether in the song the perspective changes from that of the man to that of the woman, or if it is always that of the woman? Do these lines

Quote:

Search the stock until you become so sick
Handle of the door now clicks
mean that the woman is forced to choose among the men for the one she will perform fake lust for? This confused me somewhat, because I always thought the reverse happens...the "clients" search among the women. This made me wonder if there was a shift in the observer/speaker within the song, or if I simply am misunderstanding this portion of it. Now, thinking as a biologist, the flower offers nectar to lure the female bee to it, and the bee picks up pollen (serving as a reproductive vector for the flower) while getting the nectar in a symbiotic relationship. Your song shows how this flower/bee symbiotic relationship is warped by people into a relationship that harms both flower and bee.

If this song is indeed about a woman forced to be a prostitute, then her searching for a flower (the man, the source of nectar or money/drugs) sets up an interesting contrast between the man as the flower and the flower of the woman, since women are often described metaphorically as "flowers" (as in "deflowered," "wallflower," etc.).

Now that I've considered the subject matter, I'll move on to the structure.
I see you use a lot of assonance, the rhyming of vowel sounds within words. I've underlined them in your song above. Almost every word at the end of a line rhymes partially with another word at the end of line, and sometimes to words internally. Like Awwsugar said, I think the rhyming helps build the cohesiveness of a song.

You also structure the song as follows:

4 line stanza
6 line stanza
6 line chorus

4 line stanza
6 line stanza
6 line chorus

This internal structure, I feel, will help make the song more memorable than, say, a song in which there is no repetition...simply because it is easier for the brain to latch on to some lines if one hears them several times.

So, I am curious to hear if I have the "correct" interpretation (not that there is an incorrect interpretation of any song, but I mean I'm trying to see how closely my view of the lyrics matches your intention).

--Erica

Shivs 08-07-2009 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA (Post 713652)
Hi, Shivs,
I decided to start by reviewing your song, "Nectar," especially since I like riddles!

In answer to your question, I think the song describes a woman prostitute in a brothel (she is trapped inside the "old soup tin"). The "Big queen bee will now sell fake lust" is the madam who controls the women in the brothel (I'm imagining one in India). The woman forced to be a prostitute has to fake the lust to get the nectar...perhaps the money/drugs that are payment by the man.

"My family is trapped" reminds me of a movie I saw about a woman prostitute in India whose little girl lived with her, having to leave the room whenever a customer came (ahh, no pun intended). The "old tin can" metaphor stands out most strongly in my mind, because this sounds like the brothels I've seen (in movies). These are no lovely honeycomb hive out in some flower-filled meadow, but, like you describe, a place of destitution and dirt...an old tin can.

Assuming I am correct, then I think the imagery of the hive, in which female workers (the bees) do their repetitive work for the sake of the Queen (who in prostitution gets most of the money) is an appropriate metaphor for a brothel. "I'm trapped in the hive, survive for the nectar" succinctly describes the hopelessness and desperation of the situation in which the woman can't leave but also needs to stay (especially if addicted to a drug, for example).

I assume the predators at the beginning are the men? One question I have is whether in the song the perspective changes from that of the man to that of the woman, or if it is always that of the woman? Do these lines



mean that the woman is forced to choose among the men for the one she will perform fake lust for? This confused me somewhat, because I always thought the reverse happens...the "clients" search among the women. This made me wonder if there was a shift in the observer/speaker within the song, or if I simply am misunderstanding this portion of it. Now, thinking as a biologist, the flower offers nectar to lure the female bee to it, and the bee picks up pollen (serving as a reproductive vector for the flower) while getting the nectar in a symbiotic relationship. Your song shows how this flower/bee symbiotic relationship is warped by people into a relationship that harms both flower and bee.

If this song is indeed about a woman forced to be a prostitute, then her searching for a flower (the man, the source of nectar or money/drugs) sets up an interesting contrast between the man as the flower and the flower of the woman, since women are often described metaphorically as "flowers" (as in "deflowered," "wallflower," etc.).

Now that I've considered the subject matter, I'll move on to the structure.
I see you use a lot of assonance, the rhyming of vowel sounds within words. I've underlined them in your song above. Almost every word at the end of a line rhymes partially with another word at the end of line, and sometimes to words internally. Like Awwsugar said, I think the rhyming helps build the cohesiveness of a song.

You also structure the song as follows:

4 line stanza
6 line stanza
6 line chorus

4 line stanza
6 line stanza
6 line chorus

This internal structure, I feel, will help make the song more memorable than, say, a song in which there is no repetition...simply because it is easier for the brain to latch on to some lines if one hears them several times.

So, I am curious to hear if I have the "correct" interpretation (not that there is an incorrect interpretation of any song, but I mean I'm trying to see how closely my view of the lyrics matches your intention).

--Erica


Hey Erica, thanks for the reply :) Well, you basically hit a bullseye there, good job on figuring out the meaning! It's such a horrible topic though, it's so sad. The nectar represents the drugs that the prostitutes are usually forcefully addicted to, and unless they bring back cash from "jobs", ( I have no idea what to call them ) the head of the organization ( The "big queen bee", as mentioned ) won't supply them with the drugs that are by this point necessary to function for them. On a side note, I'll admit that I'm a bit confused by the last part of your reply :P Having a little trouble understanding that, is there any other way you can put it? Thanks again dude!

Naked 08-07-2009 09:20 PM

Wow, I'm impressed far beyond what I normally read here. Your use of diverse and unusual rhyme schemes show signs of confidence in straying from the norm, and your alliteration is subtle but makes the lines roll of the tongue.
The metaphors, especially in your song "Nectar", are creative, and most importantly, well established. You continue adding detail to a metaphor instead of leaving it hanging, which is an aspect I admire and aspire to in my own songwriting.
Lastly, you choose words that are powerful and your adjectives don't conflict with one another.

The only criticism I have is with this verse:
Power in my hands, traded for a substance
Satisfy the man,
Once your in, there's no chance
Fueled by desire to love and to hate
Shackled by a fire,
Accepted our fates

Its a nice break, but I feel like it's to vague. I don't feel like it belongs, or is personal and unique to this song. Work with it a little bit, try to choke as much emotion out of it as possible... it feels monotone compared to your other voices.


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:04 PM.


© 2003-2021 Advameg, Inc.