Ahh, cool. Do you write/record/play?

Ya I do, none of its any good.
All for fun for me.

Oh alright, that's always good.

Ya man, some people have commented on my music and thats just a nice bonus.

Hey, you don't have to if you don't want to, but do you mind sending some in a PM? I'd love to see 'em.

My Myspace is for anyone to hear.
Its in my signature actually haha..

Darcy Cudmore on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads

theres 10 of my favorite out of my 100 or so songs.

lots of different styles and genres. from acoustic to rap.

This is some very prime stuff. Good, better than just about everything I've read in this thread as of late. I can relate to it quite a bit (I have known quite a few people who've been raped). Crutch and Untitled were both excellent pieces.

Thanks man, I appreciate that a lot.

Noo, I thought you had another poem and I got excited.

Oops, sorry AwwSugar! I'll have one up soon, man! Glad to see you've taken an interest too :D

Hey, Shivs, would you mind giving my two poems a looksie?

I'd link you, but apparently I'm not allowed. The thread is on the front page though. About the middle.

No problem man, I'll get on that!

Hurry up with that! :mad::mad:





:wave:

Hey guys, I'm finally back with two new ones. Sorry they've taken so long, but I'm sorry to say that I think songs'll be coming at a slower rate now that I have school :\ Kinda makes me wish I had more time to write. Anyways, hope you guys like them, and, ehh, yeah. Coils has more of a punk vibe to it, I think. Thanks!


" Beached "

Living, in breathing
I penetrate the surface while my
Eyes become more nervous
Giants...

Knotted down to earth, man
Can't hold back the system
Gonna scrape through sand, but
Don't have control

Hooked through my flesh
Decayed in a time lapse
Come eat, cause it's food for thought
And thoughts for food
Helpless as I am,
I'm beached for good


" Coils "

Coils,
Slipping in and out,
No more,
Blood flow from my mouth
Day of life will thrash on us
Dials of the sun collide with lust
Friends all leave my body
Ditches flood,
We're rotting
Rotting,
Rotting

Coils,
Twist around my chest
Buttons,
Which one to press?
Day to night we're thrashed upon
Pumping water from our lungs
We're rotting,
Rotting,
Rotting

"Beached" kind of sounds like it can be rapped. Is that just me? I like the flow of it. I didn't really enjoy the second one. I think I would have like the idea but there's something about the rhyme scheme I don't particularly enjoy.

And you should be sorry it took you so long. We thought you were never coming back. =P

Thanks AwwSugar! I'm not sure about either of them, to be honest, cause they were kinda rushed so that you guys didn't forget about me :P But, like you, I'm leaning more towards beached rather than coils. Maybe I could get one of my friends to rap it! :P

That would be pretty cool. Then you can put a video up or something.

Hey guys, dug this one up today. Not sure what you'll think about it, cause I'm not quite sure either. Anyways, hope you like, I really wish I had time to write new ones. School + no free time = stress = writers block, which is pretty much pissing me off. Any ideas of how to kind of get into the writing mood/get rid of this damn stress would be great, guys. Thanks :)

" Untitled 3 "


Bring me all of our hopes collected
Light the wet match of yesterdays luck,
Burn the books,
Learn my looks
Tell me again that you don't give a ****

Trust is our only crutch,
The time we bought
Isn't worth very much
I was pawned back to you
All I am is used, were you expecting new?

Blood, you said, as your shoe went down
My face is worthless,
You own the crown

I love this. Love this. Love this. Love this.

Did I mention that I love this?

The rest of that verse doesn't do it justice AT ALL.

I like this a lot.
I think the last line:

...could be changed to:

I think that makes it a lot stronger.

This verse is a lot better, not including the first line.

I don't know if I told you, but I love the first line.

I don't like the last three lines.
I don't like the rhyming.
I think that everything would be a lot stronger if you weren't trying to make it rhyme.

I love the first line.

Just saying, man.

Thanks a lot dude, I'm really glad you liked this one. :beer: Yeah, I should stop trying so hard in these now, it's getting hard to live up to my first posts. I'll try and revise this one with your suggestions man, thanks again! :wave:

Since you asked, If you have any obscure coffee shops, BBQ places, hamburger shops or anything of the sort like I do. Go there and do whatever homework you have (and also eat dinner if you can). It calms the nerves when you get out of your own home.

If that doesn't work, you should go get a milkshake from Sonic, Checker's, or Rally's (whatever is in Canada). Just sit in your car until the shake is done. Shouldn't take too long, but it always puts me in a good mood.

I dunno though. Food always calms me down, no matter what. Just don't get the food from a franchise. It's often stuffed with 'enhancements' and whatnot that can make the stress worse.

As for writing, I write better on a computer outside of my house. I don't do it often, but, every once in a while, I go out somewhere (not outside, preferrably when it's raining) and write. I mainly write essays and short stories though. Music n' Lyrics are really just another hobby that I happened to've collected.

Now, all that is to say that you don't have to post new songs. I read them as they appear, and if there isn't anything new--well then, I'll live. As for your song "Untitled-3", it's very good. I don't have suggestions as to making it better other than adding a few repeating lines towards the end to give the meaning more definition.

And, as a note--do not repeat that first line more than once. It's okay, but make sure the phrase you use can be doubled. Allot of lines will loose their meaning when repeated more than once. That's why you can't say "I love you, I love you, I love you," because it looses it's impact. You want to find a phrase that builds upon the last like a ladder. The phrase has to be just fleeting enough that the listener finally realizes what it means by the last few times you sing it.

PS: My teachers would probably tell me that's very Zennish. I don't even know what that means. :(

peace out,
-nick

Great advice dude, thanks a bunch. I guess I kinda need to realize that I don't need to be pumping out songs constantly, I should let them have their own natural flow, right? Yeah, like you, I write short stories and things like that, but I don't find the time, usually. I should probably make a little time for me to just go outside/somewhere and chill, maybe write some ideas down, etc. It'd be hard for me, though, because for some reason I write better on a computer than in a notebook. I've tried, it's weird how I get better results when I type rather than write. So, guess I better get a laptop sometime in the near future, that might help. Ah, thanks for the positive comments on "Untitled 3", I'm happy that you liked it man! Also, one last thing...the definition of Zen is "A school of Mahayana Buddhism that asserts that enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition rather than through faith and devotion and that is practiced mainly in China, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. Also called Zen Buddhism.", so I guess Zennish would probably mean something around that, I can't really figure it out right now cause I'm going out :p: Thanks again man, I'll try to make time! :yeah:

A Friend

The hours of the days,
Of the life I sacrificed
Swept up in an instant,
To be spoken to of,
The realization of difference

I had the willingness to dream
Was there even a threat?
An easier target to stun,
Stood up to let you stand
A friend or a distraction,
From a heart or a hand?

Climb into my words
Hear me out if you will
Birds of a feather, locked together
In a cage, on an old windowsill

I had the willingness to dream
Was there even a threat?
An easier target to stun
Stood up to let you stand
A friend or a distraction,
From a heart or a hand?

I've been willing us to dream,
To reopen the threats
An easier target to stun,
Standing here because I am
A friend or a distraction,
From a heart or a hand?


One

Fighters of a new age
Rejoice at what you are
Call once, along the cities
To the choice of what is ours

Fall under the radar,
Rise up to the hammer,
Work your ways behind the curtains
Further distance, fair lanterns
Bring warmth to every person

Fighters of a new age
Urban thrones amongst the seasons,
We've trained for life's amounts
So that when legacies are told
Each person will have freedom


Hey guys, two new songs to make up for the six-ish months I've been gone. :p: I left because of mostly personal and creative reasons, and also because I just got too stressed out with school and everything. I don't know, things just weren't working. Anyways, hopefully I'll be posting around more regularly from now on. It's good to be back! :wave:

Welcome back, Shivs! I'm glad to see that bee again.

I had a hard time understanding "Friend." I feel it flows well and has pleasant rhyming interspersed among the lines and not used too heavily, but conceptually I get lost. What are the imagined threats that should be "reopened," for example?

I get a general feeling from "Freedom" (that it urges people to challenge that which opposes freedom), but I can't follow the particulars, such as in the lines in bold above. What are urban thrones among the seasons? What are life's amounts for which we've trained? I can tell it sounds like you have particular reasons for your word choices, but I don't know what they are, and I wish I did!