The song called Why does my love always die. Please tell me what do you think? Read

Nomelyc · 10-27-2009, 12:56 PM

I'd like to know your oppinion

Im russian.. so there can be any mistakes in it.

My break-ups go by turns - I’m crashed, I`m deep down;
And every time it’s like my heart is thrown out.
No hope… Sometimes I have no hope,
I don’t show all my fears - I keep them inside.
I look at you and think that you are… you are my
Real love… I think you're my real love.

But my real love has always different faces
And each of them leaves emptiness and helplessness
Behind itself.

I just wanna be with only one man
I just wanna find him, love him till the end of my days and be a part of his heart.
Men have kissed me, confessing their love
However, we’ve had to say good-bye. Haha Why does my love always die?!

My best friend, it's said, is in love with me,
They say it is clear by all (by all) his deeds,
But he… he is just my good friend.
Am I doing something wrong when I’m into you?
I am pretty enough for you to love me too?
Am I? I don’t wanna be sad.

But my real love has always different faces
And each of them leaves emptiness and helplessness
Behind itself.

I just wanna be with only one man
I just wanna find him, love him till the end of my days and be a part of his heart.
Men have kissed me, confessing their love
However, we’ve had to say good-bye. Haha Why does my love always die?!

If you say “I love you”, I shouldn’t wonder.
If you say “I miss you”. I shouldn’t wonder.
I just have only one immutable question -
“Why does my love always die”?

iron9567 · 10-27-2009, 02:41 PM

First off welcome to the site hope you enjoy yourself here on music banter.
I'm having a hard time taking this lyric seriously because of the forced lines. I think that you should cut some lines. And then prune the metaphores to be worded better. I will say you have a good potential in this song. Just take this song and drop some lines and reword the ones you leave. The way you tend to repeat yourself. This makes the rhythm and flow stressed. At times it makes the lines seem more forced then what they need to be. It not always a no-no to repeat in a song. But if you have the content that's strong enough to hold it. then its okay to do. well thats all i can say for what you have posted so far. do some editing then post back up to show the changes you may make with this.
thanks
the iron man

10-27-2009, 12:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
Nomelyc Groupie Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1	The song called Why does my love always die. Please tell me what do you think? Read I'd like to know your oppinion Im russian.. so there can be any mistakes in it. My break-ups go by turns - I’m crashed, I`m deep down; And every time it’s like my heart is thrown out. No hope… Sometimes I have no hope, I don’t show all my fears - I keep them inside. I look at you and think that you are… you are my Real love… I think you're my real love. But my real love has always different faces And each of them leaves emptiness and helplessness Behind itself. I just wanna be with only one man I just wanna find him, love him till the end of my days and be a part of his heart. Men have kissed me, confessing their love However, we’ve had to say good-bye. Haha Why does my love always die?! My best friend, it's said, is in love with me, They say it is clear by all (by all) his deeds, But he… he is just my good friend. Am I doing something wrong when I’m into you? I am pretty enough for you to love me too? Am I? I don’t wanna be sad. But my real love has always different faces And each of them leaves emptiness and helplessness Behind itself. I just wanna be with only one man I just wanna find him, love him till the end of my days and be a part of his heart. Men have kissed me, confessing their love However, we’ve had to say good-bye. Haha Why does my love always die?! If you say “I love you”, I shouldn’t wonder. If you say “I miss you”. I shouldn’t wonder. I just have only one immutable question - “Why does my love always die”?

10-27-2009, 02:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
iron9567 musicbanter peeping tom Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 74	First off welcome to the site hope you enjoy yourself here on music banter. I'm having a hard time taking this lyric seriously because of the forced lines. I think that you should cut some lines. And then prune the metaphores to be worded better. I will say you have a good potential in this song. Just take this song and drop some lines and reword the ones you leave. The way you tend to repeat yourself. This makes the rhythm and flow stressed. At times it makes the lines seem more forced then what they need to be. It not always a no-no to repeat in a song. But if you have the content that's strong enough to hold it. then its okay to do. well thats all i can say for what you have posted so far. do some editing then post back up to show the changes you may make with this. thanks the iron man __________________ thanks The iron man I don't want to change the world. I just want to make the world colder then the day I came.