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These are songs that I have written the lyrics to so far for my thrash speed metal band I sing/play bass in (currently without a name). Although we have written the music to around about 10 odd songs we have only written the lyrics to one (LOL).
It's called 'Unrequited(?) Hate'. It's about wanting to kill someone close to you because they treat you like ****. But you would feel guilty about killing them because they harbor no ill feelings against you. But since they treat you like **** you're not sure if they really do like you. Sorta inspired by a real life situation I guess. It's not meant to be deep and meaningful, mainly just brutal yadiggle so don't think I'm trying to win an Igor Novello wit this.
Also with this first song, it may not seem like it rhymes, but the way the music is written it all fits into place nicely ;)

Your lyrics are basic. They're good enough to give someone to sing without being laughable (in the situation given). There's nothing I would really change.

But, all you metal heads seem to like giving us notes on 'instrumental breaks' and 'guitar solos' and 'breakdowns' and whatnot. You don't need to do that... Please don't do that. If you wish for us to read it, give it to us like a poem. If you want us to hear it, than give us a recording. Don't stradle the fence.

peace,
-nick

sank I'll stop with the instrumental break parts I just thought it might help ya read it.

I'm not trying to be rude, It becomes frustrating to read when you add those notes in.

peace,
-nick