i like the second one i think it would sound good with an 808 downtempo beat and a few 7th chords, maybe a tad swing style to it

p.s. i'm very sorry about pretending to threaten your material trust me won't happen EVER again

ya ya it's cool

thanks

if you want i can show what i meant for instrumental idea (it will be instrumental no lyrics)

hay

1.

I no longer want what I have worked so hard for,
I want everything else.
Remember to be steel you’re
so weak
I don’t want to believe
this is mine anymore,
I will return to everything
I used to be, I’m so full
of rage and I remember now
there is
something I am
reaching my hands
past you towards
it’s so sick but
it’s true and
I feel it deeper it
came so soon
but pulling it
out of my throat
won’t do me any good,
my organs will come with it
and I feel me coaxing out the evil
it feels so ****ing good I’ll make myself a god
I’m watching you build your shrines
that I’ll topple with my tiny feet
is there no one I can trust is
there no one I can tell lies to
I’ve forgotten that I didn’t want
to be here anymore.
I’m writing out my lives to strangers,
loves and lies to strangers

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel alive in something
that I’ve written down
on someone ears
can you hear
me speak toward a windowpane
I am laughing later than it seems
all you have to do
is wait for me to
blow forward
with kisses
tumbling out of a mouth that
sometimes is wrong but
always goes on.

Turn off the eyes to
turn them on brighter
it matches my smile that
curves around my face
do you think you
can match it up
tile for tile
it might take
forever it will surely
take a while

but I don’t wait to
stop running to
stop the laugh that
trails up my ankles
and over my hips
it remembers me?

Can’t you see?
It finds itself in the
warm water rising
into your skin to swallow it.

I feel alive I’ve
woken up to
tear apart the clay that
I always forget that
isn’t forged by
any other hand it
seems no other way
but now I
remember how to see.

Can’t they see you
past the spears in your heart?
I raise up my shoulders,
I’ll speak for myself this time,
every other time
you’ve taken my voice and
it’s louder than you are tall
--------------------------------


it seems like you could
coax the devil out of me or
grab it by its tail if it goes through
your hand you’ll not hold it against me
will you remember that I’ve bled too,
bled through
but don’t make me
carve you into my side if
I need to remember
I’ll pave the road
myself with my
pierced hands clawing at the dirt
in a joy that the body
feels but the mouth
cannot name if maybe you
could coax the devil out of me
I would not need to
stop myself from
swallowing this world whole
softening me up without
the broken nails.

It’s just that everyone
seems to forget that I
was only broken once
but you could
love me without
that need to smother it’s
a contagion
I don’t get the taste of
as close as it comes to you.

These are written to be read aloud, dude. I would love to perform these.

Agreed, do it. YouTube. Now.

:)

good morning musicbanter

new things:

something about pianos always makes me cry, all on the nights I can hear them and the chords blend on forever and it looks like they only come in read, and i feel sick the only sick come onto this purity i murdered for i emasculated them all and i'm still tossing it over my head. i guess it comes into place when you're tearing them apart, the early morning red smile, oh it feels like the honest hand in the arms of liars. they call my every demon and this heart made me a god, soon as i tore it out of them.

but i don't line myself up with yesterdays fancies

---------------------------------------------------

so i’ll liven up my whiskey glass
to separate for the pain
oh well, who cares
it wasn’t worth it anyways

all the goodness risen up to the slaughter
can i really say i’m not surprised
and between the days i can forget
right where it hurts

good faith was among my bad habits
i’ll try to pretend like it never happened
and until you come home you never existed
I wake up to this nightmare again and again

I chase after forgetfulness and I only feel it slip
while i know i was too good to be true
the loved ones seem to become
the exception
and not the rule

------------------------------------

here we rest, he says
he was always beautiful
forever flaunting feathers
he looks back at me
so skinny and so shrewish

I've been writing letters to you since before I was born
I spoke to you across the many years I guess it seems
and I weigh every word and send it back to you, just waiting
Now I'm dying and wishing that I'd never opened up that door
never cleaned the cupboards and ate up all the pantry
And I ask myself why can't just give them all up

Give them up to let go and let God in
My fingertips did spell out faith once
but it's just never the right kind
So just leave and never come back

I'll turn up my hands as a sacrifice
I can't cross back to the street
to where I left my spine
I can't mark it and sing sweetly
this was mine, once was mine.


--------------------------------------
I can’t say that he knows how to count the lies he counts on his own but are you watching me walking away you were so wrong

I’ve got all these lies
holding up to hide
the claws in my chest
I’m doing my best
I’m doing my best to forget
that you believed it was
for you nothing I say now
will count towards making
that one slip untrue

wont you believe me
on the nights I wake up with
your name on my lips
im falling apart pulling apart
day by skipping day I wake up to forget,
wake up to forget what ive come to regret
which cripples me from all the way under
pulling out the nerves from my skin
like petals fall apart
he loves me he loves me not
did I tell the truth
im telling lies
to everyone but you
I swear I swear the flowering rage
prescribes me a pain Its drowning into me I’m pulling it out
To remember this is to die
I’m on a mission to forget you exist
forget my heart is in your hands
you only smash smash so careless
that it feels itself out of the hole in my chest
It’s a myth that finds itself destroying my lungs
Choking itself out of me
do you believe me now? Do you believe in how…
It’s curving my spine into a scream, with its silence it’s heaviness is my everyday sickness that ive never seen its breaking my back the hollow rage it has become my blood and bone it sinks its teeth into me when I’m all alone the longing is dripping into my skull like molten gold can you just tell me, tell me again when can I feel whole?
All these things. All these things.
You’ll never know.

I just wanted to be good
I just wanted to be good for you

---------------
bye musicbanter xoxo

It seems to be my legacy,
breaking things that are right in front of me,
fixing them up and making them whole,
those things they're too big to swallow I apologize,
there's just too much of me to tie down to you and
contorting myself tends to let me fly away like I did before,
catching my hair on the tree branches,
forever leaving parts of myself behind.
Hansel and Gretel, who know's what goes between your eyes?

sigh.

------
It seems to me that you are my madness, my true madness,
without a standing sickness, except with the hands of love,
holding up the flesh I tore spart myself, a mistaken rage,
my violence is contained, I bury it,
I bury you inside me, can you stay there forever,
can you sleep in the space between my knees? I can feel myself exploding with hope.
Where there was organs there are red, blinding sparks.
Tell me, am I bandaged in faith? Good god, I aspired to be less than this.
I'm sealing this envelope with my own blood, freely given, not forcibly shed, can you tell?
Am I transparent in all the hours I've been collecting,
the words I pick up at the side of the road.
I nurse sentences back to health,
you'll see them with their new lives in reference to you, only you.
It was only ever you.
The scratches of a diamond on a mirror,
I can now see the future, your hand is on my shoulder.
How can you trust me not to break your fingers?
I'm chewing on fear, this doesn't belong to you, but maybe I do.

I'm building up this bridge
just to tell you that wasn't your lie
no, the things you read into
don't always belong to you.

all the lonely men, the weapons of choice
I carved my name into them,
but found them bloodless,
I filled in their names with black ink

Twenty miles high, the skyline built on
a typewriter's clacking keys
26 ways of unlocking into me
I offer them all, up to you

Don't misplace the threads, please
they've sewn me back together so tightly
but being in pieces is not unthinkable
when those parts rest in your hands.

It doesn’t feel so good, does it?
When you open your eyes
you won’t think of me.

I don’t to fight this battle anymore
never to take up the sword again
but the sword crawls back in my heart
to rise when ready
you do know its there,
you hold it everyday,
to keep it from what it longs to lacerate.

I try to remember reasoning,
I find only rage.
If you want it, it’s yours,
my hands have grown cold,
I can’t turn back now,
it feels too much like trust.

This garden overgrown reaches out,
pleading for understanding.
Do you forget what the world is like?
No, but I’ve tried so many times.
Sometimes too much is not enough.
Do you hear me?

----------------------------------

And I know this number makes up for nothing but
I can pretend
your insides marr my skin,
the burn goes farther than anything
this wave, this wave overcomes me,
but watch me learn to swim in it,
if anything to hold against the tide
all sworn in, as magnets seem to rust

and tho, so is far,
then I could not reach out to you,
no long armed son of a gun, not me,
so I reach beneath, the dirt become,
under the sky,I know your bones,
even if I don't know mine,
I crawled on my belly just to watch you shine.

A lot happens in a night
where I give you the wrong number
we know all about that touch,
I don't want this and I never know how it starts.
But, If you strap me to this city
there is nothing that could save you.

---------------------------

wait and ask yourself who it is you're waiting for
i remember the nightmares the process of waking up
becoming a comatose wife, your dream not mine
i feel your heart waiting for mine to fall backward
that's the direction for obsession, infatuation
this isn't anything like love

and yet i feel it still when i can't find the strength
to pull open the curtains and let the sun in me
i'm holding fast to those dark nights in November
anticipating my own bruises, at least they showed you cared

You still listen to my favorite songs when you remember them
I hear them when I set my feet outside the house
You were nothing if not loud enough to wake the sleepy world
but you put mine to sleep, and now I'm unsure if its forever

The hole you left is grown over with fresh skin
skin that I keep tearing open when it gets to feel like this
I remember your weeping when the camera told no lies
for once in our lives, it matched mine.

no no, on and on i feel your hands entwined in my hair
daring me to bleed to be free, but i did once

★·.·´¯`·.·★ ĻövëĻŸ ★·.·´¯`·.·★

aww thanks :)

Wow, Hermione. You are undeniably talented.

Awww thank you, sincerely <3

I'm probably blushing irl

Don't be embarrassed... I am impressed a 23 yr old has so much depth of life, of course that's not much younger than me anyway. You could just write one sentence and I notice heightened writer's talent.

I am embarrassed though, hahaha. I've been writing since I was 7 yrs old. I think my writing is cliche in a lot of ways, that just might be because I hate poetry in general but this is how I purge, really. But thank you! That just reminds me sorta, of my exfiancee, idk if you saw this story before (probably) but he wanted to be a writer so badly but he had no talent and he would tear into me about my writing, how I had no discipline and that I just "shit pretty words" and that kinda reminds me of that, you saying I could write one sentence. It's a compliment I mean, haha. But just funny. Thank you <3

What's a bard and what's a beedle if you don't mind me asking darling?

A bard is a storyteller, if I recall correctly :) I just called it Tales of Beedle the Bard because that's the name of a book of fairy tales in Harry Potter, that Hermione reads. You can actually get the book separate, as in a full book, and it's apparently written as "annotated by Hermione Granger"
And I'm Hermione, so, get it? Except I'm Hermione Stark, not Hermione Granger :)

Hermione Stark is way better than Hermione Granger...

I dunno haha, Hermione Stark hasn't been around long enough to be better than Hermione Granger :)

everyone is asking me it seems
lately it's always "why do you miss him"
did i hand you my own knife
because you're carving deep into me
i'll tell you now there is no relief from this
i would have found it with my own hands
cruelly twisting and contorting my soul into
seven pieces or maybe six but what's a soul when
i lost my heart to you in sincerity i'm laughing but
it's just the madness curdling me and mine into fear
i'm holding my head up as it won't stop bleeding out
in the world there goes my heart speeding away from me,
farther and farther it goes into the ground
to grow out its roots deeper and deeper i am falling
and purging out the monster that holds on to my name
and claims it for their own hard earned smiles
wander onto my teeth tentatively screaming
my set of shark teeth wait their calling to start sharpening
but i feel myself on those nimble feet falling away
from something that won't leave me i'm asking for its wisdom
it's just feeding me wine made of my own blood,
these letters written from a typewriter once built from lust,
can you tell me, can you tell me, will they ever ever be enough?

I can relate to this feeling of missing someone disguised as madness. :clap:

You told me recently he got married. Even though he was abusive it can still hurt...

Oh it's definitely not about him, I don't miss the one that got married :/

The Aries?

Yep

sigh


but i have to say that this passion isn't in it's infancy
a patient fire, drawing itself up to face infinities
promised by other tossed and torn torches
i'm laughing bleeding from the ears, i see you
taking toll on the mossy stones, with bleeding feet
mine are calloused and black with despair i feel it in my knees
i come to you tomorrow to promise you the magic words
the ones that fall from your teeth, just say please
leave the cleaver at home, i'll take my hands from behind my back
you could leave me amputated and aching, i'm not lying for once
in my life, i'd stay faithful holding my tourniquets with my ankles
they ask me if it's trying, i say to you it's my life and my pain
the pattern of the ache is not quite the same, it's nothing i know
these pages were filled with other names but their songs are yours
as if i'd known all along that my voice only can see the sun that shines on you
i'm laughing and holding the mirror in front of your face
never mind the glass, it's plastic but it's reality at least for me
it grows, it grows it grows it's my pestilence and it's about to burst
it's a shame this fanciful fool, veiled in fidelity blinds you
but this pain, this ache, I favour it, I savour it as it shows
I'll carry it as my sword against Cerberus and home is where I'll carry you
my heart is where I'll carry you, past the black gates that already know my name
and my rage is the fire, my faith is the flame made to break an iron will
nevermind an iron won't, i don't hear my ears listening to it
my heart, can you swim? it matters not, never mind this black river we've come to
my shoulders will built to carry us, no matter that they're half broken.
So am I.

do you still tell yourself
when you're drinking
that this isn't you,
what you had in mind
do you still tell yourself
you don't mimic my speech
who do you think gave you those words
that spell out your cleaned out soul?
i don't care, you keep yourself blind
go ahead and tell yourself
i wasn't what you had in mind
to myself, i once told
those same old boring lies
you can't keep my attention
don't you dare deny it
i trade in something rawer
something more flawed and painful
than your flimsy house of lies
tell yourself it's not a treason
tell yourself the name you dream of
wasn't always mine.
No matter how the letters line up
it goes back to me it follows me
around the bend it's at my heels
I won't bow down to it, but
i know exactly how it feels.

i am not sorry my hands were faster
to grab hold of the blades you showed
wolves tear at your throat drawn to my voice
a howl louder than your sounds made mewling
i am not sorry my heart was full up when you
came to what you thought was your home
i'm not sorry, i'll keep stabbing
my pound of flesh has turned into a tonne
I'll squeeze every last drop from your lips
you liar, you liar you lied and expected me to
lie down for you? you speak a name you
thought belonged to you, but that was before
before becoming a person i was a monster
yes that monster was yours but who pulled the strings?


is it enough now, all that i've purged has it been enough
to ensure you'll know who i gave myself to
how many words will i have to string together
while i'm still strong enough to do so
will convince you? I'll do it i swear i'll build
a bridge out of my own bones and skin
tied together with my nerves pulled out
because i tell you i don't know how much longer
i can stay strong i'm already in pieces
but those shards are still yours to keep.

i wear my heart on my sleeve
while i'm wearing your veins in my teeth
don't think of fear
for what's beneath the trees
it seems to stutter its branches towards you
and unto me there's a world that needs her
and here i stand ready to give her back to the earth
and you cannot stop me
my heart is heavy and
my soul was culled from the bottom of well
and here i'm stumbling over words and feelings
and i watched you as you fell
i feel the nails they're digging into me
and this was not how it was supposed to be
but it's how i wanted it and who can tell me if i have lost my way
or drawn myself a map in the wrong direction
can i borrow the sounds from someone else's foot falls
just so i can forestall what happens
when feelings inside me take root and bloom
i'll weed them out oh i've tried
but from here who knows, for once
i don't want the fight to be mine

if you doubt this half drunk heart
it's not my problem
it's not my fault when you
decided you wanted that heart sunk
who am i to say no to going fishing?
tossed overboard though i pretended
to not feel the hooks to follow after
you can see the lines coming out of my spine
instead of a hand i'll give you the dice to choke on
make your own gamble this time, this turn won't be mine
my hands go behind my back,
blindly building gallows and i can't say i'm sorry
i'll mourn the love i once held in my deepest veins
crisscrossing roots that drove me insane
i'll see you looking for your face in my words
take this now, i'll take the mirror's spark
turned up into shards i'll cut the lies from your face
there i go, there i went climbing the fences of other people's lives
one step ahead of this story that fits too well to hand
but here I am in my garden of nouns and stilll,
I cannot make you understand.

<3

:love:

I feel my legs stir to carry me up and away
I told my heart to tell them to let me stay,
anchored by good faith i was
and i will learn to swim again,
as these waves crash over me and i,
i will not be drowned with this heavy crown
upon my head full of fear,
treading water, I'll attend my own rebirth,
from the foam I'll rise, Venus De Milo,
second sequence, the daughter of fire,
out of the flames singing the echoing screams
of the joy that fills me, still afraid i become a queen
among the fools i made myself, i've been dreaming,
i've been dreaming in the daytime
while I'm clutching to life when I'm sleeping,
but I'm waking, I'm waking up to find my heart has grown
and it grows and pounds it pounds so loud and I'm afraid,
I'm afraid I think everyone will hear it's pleas
to open the windows and let it out to fly,
but who am I to clip it's wings?
be patient with me when I send my ravens,
like this I'll carve our names in the trees between us
and crown myself in their flowers,
grown out of devotion and rooted deep in the summer sun,
rising forever over you.
I'll collect the stars in my eyes just to make you love me,
and I'm not afraid to say how foolish am I to cling to a sinking ship,
if I can't swim, I'll swallow the ocean and become a new sea.

i'm sorry for bleeding publicly
but who's to notice
they'll only take notice when i've bled out,
the knives in my back i thought were strength
but lies add up into mythology,
it doesn't mean that i don't love you
but my faith in things i can't see wanes
to remind me i'm still human, i'm human too,
full of blood i am i'm letting it out for show,
just for show i suppose,
i throw smoke to make my escapes
when you're touching feelings,
with your fingers in my organs i can't lie
and say i'm not afraid
they've grown a part of me now,
but i used to pretend to myself
that they were not there before
i'm trying, i'm trying to take the wool from my eyes
but it takes the skin with it's pull.

hello it looks like it's time for purging nothing to see here unless...

(well you'll know if you know)


---------------------------------------


"and when you're in my arms, you know that's where you are safe"
I guess this was once thought of as fate
but to tell the truth i was only saving face
as i stepped out into the sun i tried to scratch my memories
i tried to bruise my memories, bleeding the man in front of me
i never said i'm sorry, and i'm not about to now

"and when a man loves a woman, he ****ing owns her"
but i wasn't a woman, i was a fog, i was a vapour
touching your skin with poison, living in your limbs forever
and in your anguish, i grew stronger, on your despair, i grow stronger.

"You are my last bastion of true, honest hope"
But the tragedy is, I belonged to no one, I never will
so I made the bastard of you, I made the fool of you
madness carried me out of your arms, to somewhere far from
your bondage you left out of your promised hands
and now here I am, still retching up your bastard heart.

-----------------------------------------------
but little birds must have their flights,
little birds will learn to fight
against the tidal waves of bondage,
little birds who've earned their name
will not follow on your trail you've bent
and built into tomorrow's world,
and in hindsight, cowed in hunger
a little bird will fall from its cage
remembering flight, remembering how to fight.

----------------------------------------------
it's all on the line,
the tugging of the twine,
holding onto our hearts,
it's pulling it's pulling
and is it fraying
tell me the truth right now
because i'm losing your language
here in my room i'm trying to
claw out the slivers you left in me
while it pulls at me tangled up,
tangled up i'm falling in and out
but who am i kidding
so twisted up in your misdirection,
numbering up your indiscretions,
on the dock i prowl at night
watching you drowning
holding back my hands
a human being is not
a means to stay afloat
here it is
you're going to
learn to tread water.

don't stick with it,
it's just voyeuristic,
and if you don't quit with this
i'm not coming over,
deal with it on your own time.
when you take the time to give yourself to the clouds,
i will not be there to bring you back down.
after all, you know everything,
except where to find me when i'm burning at the stake.
after all everything means nothing,
and to go forward we must go backward.
try to catch me sharing limbs
with someone who's always afraid
i wake up to fondness and fanfare
sadly, it's shadowing you
tuneless, and untrue.

Good stuff!

I know right?

-----------
i couldn't help it,
sending my love through
razor wires
oops, i'm sorry i ran off
to grow my teeth in,
to sink my teeth
into other skins
i'm not sure if i'll be back,
if i'll be back soon
i guess you can find me if
you're looking, after all
you always are, aren't you?*
--------------

As I reached for him,
I shattered him
emaciated into time,
he became the truest love to find
you gave up the galaxy
when it rest against my cheekbones,
bleeding stars torn open your sky,
I'm not far from this mess forever
I can't seem to make up my mind

how could I have given up that life
burdened blackened given to melancholy
without mercy
burned and blackened
an offering at your pyre

in memory come and find and fix me
for I have grown to be sick again
and all of them, they want to be looking like you
threatening vaguely
while I'm looking for you in the place that I have kept you
the place where you shouldn't be
I'm sorry to come back here but
I've forgotten how to be
I'm singing the song that you wrote for me
while I'm trying not to bleed

remember that I carried pretty words about
and if it were that I were braver
I'd give the ones that rest in my head back to you.