:bowdown:

Bless you.

A song my friend wrote
 

Hey. Our rhythm guitarist wrote this song. I thought it was REALLY cliche. Can you help me help him make it better please? He's got a great riff and I don't want to ruin it with these lyrics. Thanks.

The way she looks at me
I just cant stop lookin oover
To see
If shes
lookin back at meee

Good stuff keep it up. : )

It's not that bad. I think that this stage of a relationship is something which isn't really discussed all that much, although more in songs than anything else.
Anyway, it looks like your biggest problem here is that you only have one stanza. I would suggest writing more, even if it means writing random words or something horrible. Of course, you could be going for a chant-like repetition, which could be cool, in which case just keep what you've got so far. Also, is this song so far seems to have an extremely simple relationship. If you need inspiration as to what to write next, try thinking about the relationships you have had in the past. It works for me, although I really haven't had very many.

You're right. The relationship IS simple. Actually, it's not even a relationship, he just likes her and wants to dedicate this song to her. That and the fact that we're 13 makes it a bit hard for him to write a good song about a relationship. As long as he wants us to keep this topic, I don't know where we can go. http://www.musicbanter.com/images/smilies/jailed.gif

Can you think of any way to make it longer without using cliches?

Boy, did that smiley ever not work! XD
:jailed:

:bonkhead:
Just write. It doesn't really matter what comes out of your pen that much. So long as you write.
I mean, I could give you an outline or whatever, but then it wouldn't really be your song.

Thanks for your advice. I've been working on it and I think it's gotten a lot better. Maybe I'll post the new version in a little while. You're definitely right. Just writing helps.