Hey people, need comments on this song i wrote
 

so yea people, just need someone to view my song it's not the best I've written, but who knows....

Loving Your Hate

Verse:
I pull myself apart
Losing the pieces
And some are crushed to dust
No matter how much I try
The screaming never ceases

I want to believe
That theres a chance for me
to start my life over and not grieve

Chorus:
I wish you would fall with me
And suffer what you put me through
But I will always say I love you, dear
I won't deny that somewhere in me
I believe you'll find me, dear, oh

Verse:
I trusted every lie told
And I walked into your empty core
Where the truth began to unfold
And even though I hate what you are
I find that this side of you I seem to adore

Chorus:
I wish you would fall with me
And suffer what you put me through
But I will always say I love you, love
I won't deny that somewhere in me
I believe you'll find me, love

Verse:
I thought I would find something true
I thought you were my perfect other half
But you are just as empty as me, just as cruel
I cry for you, my love, but you simply laugh

Chorus:
I wish you would fall with me
And suffer what you put me through
And I will always say I love you, dear
I won't deny that somewhere lost in me
I believe you'll find me, dear

I believe you'll find me
The pieces I lost
And replace the missing ones
But I'm just dreaming it
And I'm loving your hate

I think this is quite generic, but to be fair it is difficult to write a completely original song about love :)

Yes, true. Thank you. Like I said before it wasn't my best, but you never know. Thank you, again:wavey:

it sounds like a lene lovich song? check out her bird song. i like this, pretty mad, pretty desperate, pretty hopeless. like to hear it sung.
wmt, cheers.

thank you very much. Yeah i like her bird song i think its cool how she starts the song too working on it some more thank you again

Another song I was bored
 

Yea here's another song i wrote again it might not be awesome, but yea...
Check out another song i previously wrote "Loving Your Hate"

Sweet Sorrow

Verse:
Dark eyes
And empty lies
Without an answer to the question
Missing reasons

What is left behind me
Shows up and consumes me

Chorus:
My mistakes left me stranded
I smile and try to hold on to them
And only you have reminded
That I want to hold on to them

Verse:
I run away from you
I turn back to you
It's not easy to let go
It's not easy to say goodbye

What I left behind me
Comes back and attacks me

Chorus:
My mistakes left me
I smile and held onto them
Only you remind me
That I can't let go of them

Bridge:
The question asked is still hovering above you
The answer has no reason
There's no other way to put it
I hate you

Chorus:
My mistakes left me
I smile and held onto them
But only you remind me
That I'm still in love with my sorrow

CitlaliScarlett you are pretty good.
You see... i compose music but i cannot write the lyrics. i just don't have that "thing" you know. i kinda envy you. next time you have a good one share it as well.

Lol that is so weird. I cannot compose music, but I can write lyrics. So as you can see, it's frustrating to have half of a song done. It would be cool if we could come up with something together. :beer:

I was bored AGAIN
 

People think I can't write anything happy and loving instead of sad and deception so I gave it a try. I hope it's as good as my other ones. P.S. this is literally my first try to write happy songs. Like NO LIE!

Without You

I sit alone in a dark room
Thinking of what I have done
I'm suffocating in these fumes
Of lying and mistrusting

I cannot find the way to blame you
I messed it all up,
For the both of us

I feel empty inside myself
I feel my soul missing inside me
Love, believe me even if I can't myself
I can't live a life in which you don't exist in

What I would do to have you back
To make you mine again
To rewind and playback
To be able to say your name without fear

I cannot find the way to blame anyone
I made a mistake,
Heal this heartache

I feel empty inside myself
I feel my soul missing
Trust me even if I can't myself
I can't live this life without a reason

Kill the anguish burning me
Kill the pain that destroys me
Heal the sorrow
Forgive me

I feel empty inside myself
I feel something missing
Love me even if I can't myself
I can't live this life without you

I won't live this life without you
I won't
Without you




I Will Die For You

I was nothing
Until I found you
I was nothing
Until I knew I loved you

And I just want to say
That I'd give my life to you

There's no more reason for tears
You wipe them away
All my fears have disappeared
There's only one way to return the favor

You fixed me
And made me right
You healed me
And made the world right

And I just want to say
That I'd give my life to you

There's no more reason for any tears
You washed them away
All my fears have disappeared
I want to retun the favor

I want to love you
And make it right
I want to die for you
I will die for you

There's no more reason for any tears
You washed the pain away
All of my fears have disappeared
I will return the favor

I will love you
I will fight for you
I will die for you
I will die for you

Happy? I think not. You should try to think of a positive quality of someone you really love, or something you really love doing, and write about it. True happiness comes from the heart. Love is the key to happiness, and death is not happy in any context.

Second attempt for happy song
 

Hey people!! :banghead: My second attempt for a happy song so yea.... please tell me what you think, I hope it is better than the previous ones i wrote!!!! {IN MY OPINION: It sounds more like a poem than a song:banghead:}

You
You told me you love me
And I believe you
You told me you would never leave me
And I want to let you know
I love you too

My heart has taken flight
You became my light
At last I can breathe
At last I can see

You always held me tightly
I forgot to breathe
I'd like to drift away
To our special place
In this world where every thing
Doesn't make sense

You were always there for me
It's impossible to live in a world without you
You are my cure for the disease
What makes me right
I need you too

My pain has eased
My sorrow has ceased
I'm forgetting to breathe
When it's you I see

You always held me tightly
I forgot to breathe
I'd like to drift away
To our special place
In this world where every thing
Doesn't make sense (X2)

Giving me a reason to live
Giving me the air I need to live
I'd like to be with you when I sleep
And when I wake up it's like i never stopped dreaming

You always held me
I forget to breathe you in
Let's drift away
To our safe place
From this world where everything
Doesn't make sense

What would you think if any of us forumites would steal some of your lines for our "own" songs? Seriously!

PD: Loved your work.

That's a successful attempt(it's happy alright)! Likin' your lyrics!

Thanx!!! I feel more realived now to get my $20 back!!! lol

depends, do i get credit? do i get guareenteed fame as well???? ha lol no seriously, no lie, do I? If not, I need a way to protect my work!!!!!! >(

I like this very much. Especially this verse, it's really creative and I love the twist at the end. Thanks for sharing this.

- Hoobie Goobie :)

Thanx a bunch means a lot :)

Yoosa be good, you should continue, I'll be looking with interest.

muchas gracias!!!! thanx I do hope I can keep your interest, liked to hear feedback more often, like to hear what you honestly think

Bored again, didn't want to write about love instead I wrote something...I don't know
 

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

We can't make up what was done
You can regret what you said
but I can't make the pain disappear
Just because yesterday was done

We have to say is and will
Not was because
It already was, but it is right now and it will be

There's no such thing as yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow

I was with you yesterday
But I'm alone today
I might be there tomorrow
I might be alone tommorow

But I can't change the past
So I have to say is and will
Not was because
It already was, but it is right now and it will be

There's no such thing as yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow
It's only today and tomorrow

The past is the past
and we have to live
The present and future
The past is the past
and we can't live yesterday

There's no yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow
It's only

I can't change what I said
I can regret what I said
I wish I could take it back
But now we both have to live with what we said

Bored again, didn't want to write about love, instead I wrote something diff....IDK
 

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

We can't make up what was done
You can regret what you said
but I can't make the pain disappear
Just because yesterday was done

We have to say is and will
Not was because
It already was, but it is right now and it will be

There's no such thing as yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow

I was with you yesterday
But I'm alone today
I might be there tomorrow
I might be alone tommorow

But I can't change the past
So I have to say is and will
Not was because
It already was, but it is right now and it will be

There's no such thing as yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow
It's only today and tomorrow

The past is the past
and we have to live
The present and future
The past is the past
and we can't live yesterday

There's no yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow
It's only

I can't change what I said
I can regret what I said
I wish I could take it back
But now we both have to live with what we said

Bored didn't try hard enough i think heard a friend say something like a "last time"
 

Last Time

I trip and fall
but I can't cry
Even though I want to die
But I make myself stronger
When I stand up after a fall
I'm not going to stop moving

Not for you,
It was the last time.
Not for you,
Don't expect me to be there for you

It's the last time
For a fight
So scream all you want
'cause I won't hear you tomorrow
and I make myself stronger
Every time I pick myself up
I'm not going to stop running

Not for you,
It's my last time
Not for a lie,
Don't expect me to catch you

Not for you,
Not any more, honey
It's the last time
My last time saying goodbye

I'm going to enjoy watching you die
Because I've decided for you
I'm going to like seeing you die
There's nothing left in you

Not for you,
It's my last time
Not for a lie,
Don't expect me to stay
Not for you
Not anymore, honey
It's the last time
It's my last time saying goodbye X2

It's my last time dying for you
It's my last time
And I'm saying goodbye

your first i felt was a bit repetitive and confusing with the phrasing, but your second made a little more sense. I like your second song, it was clear and easy to read, without the use of repitition. So, that's what I got, anyone else? Also, in your second song, I see at times it is forward-moving and at others remembering an arguement. Just what it sounds like to me, changes the mood and makes a less well-defined overall tone.

Yeah, that is what i thought. I felt it needed work, maybe some advice on how to change it? Anyways, thanx. I feel like the first one is all over the place while the second is pretty much straight forward. Stinks!!! I got really sick and my voice sounds awful!!! I won't be able to sing it or at least come up with some kind of tune for it!!! Grrr.....! It'll take a week or two to get better!! Well, thank you anyways.

No problem!

Cool, like'd to be my editor? :) Ha, only if you want, anyways, I'm thinking whether to preform a song I wrote or just preform one my band and I have learned, but I want something that says it's really us. Like something original, I would put it. All the songs have music to it, but I want to sing one with a true, strong, deep meaning to it. Also, they all have a sort of strong voice tone to it, but I think "You" has the only nice, soft rhythm to it and I know, the way the song sounds is important too, but I think the most important part of a song would be the part that is trying to give out a strong, truthful, message. Any idea??? :confused:

Quick question to people out there, My band's name is "Burning Ashes" we're not sure if we want to change it, but if we do, we need help to replace the title. Any suggestions? If not, then anyone out there, please, do not steal unless you can come up with something good. Thanx :)

New Song this is completely a work in progress don't feel it yet with song or lyrics
 

THINKING FOR A MORE APPROPRIATE TITLE SUGGESTIONS?
I'm too consumed within myself
Too lost to think right
What choice was I given left,
If only left to die or fight?

Don't leave me alone here
Don't leave me to die here

I'm drowning too much in tears
I can't escape all my fears
I'm drowning within your pain
But I still beg for you again

All my cares have taken over
These empty lies in which I live
What reason is there left to fight,
If we live to die and not die to live?

You left me abandon here
You left me bleeding here

I'm drowning too much in tears
Not strong enough to fight my fears
I'm drowning in your pain
I'm drowning in your blood

Too afraid to die alone
Too alone to see truth
I didn't want to be left alone
Your blood is my hands

I'm drowning in my tears
I'm not strong enough to run from my fears
I'm drowning in my pain
I'm drowning in(X2)

I'm drowning in
I'm drowning within

Grieving you is all that I know
Regretting is all that I know

some songs give off the singer's feelings. I hope you can guess mine Grr...
 

Thought you could get away
Thought I didn't see it in front of me
Thought you could take it away
Well, I'm not the person you think I am

I'm better than what you thought I was
So shut up and listen

I've got no secrets to hide
But I understand when you don't know
What is going on in my mind
But just know I'm not just any fool

You're not special to me
You're just another in my life
You won't be able to get to me
Stop living in these clouds

I'm not as low as you thought I was
So shut up and stop

I've got no secrets to hide
I clearly know what,
What is going on in your mind
Hey, I'm not just any fool(X2)

I'm not! (Shut up!)
I'm not!
I'm not! (Shut up!)
I'm not!

I've got no secrets to hide
I clearly know what,
What is going on in your mind
I'm not just any fool
So shut up and listen

could i try to make this a song?

You mean add music to it and such? Sure, unless I get credit ;) and which one?

Ahh!!! Performing soon in front of hundreds of people nervous!!!!! My voice is F***ed up and not sure which songs to preform, don't want to preform a song already owned, want to preform my own!!! Changed band name to "The Befallen" I thought "The Uprising" is better. Hmmm....What do I do????????????? ;( AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Please tell me what you think. It's all I could say
 

Empty(Fill Me)

Moveless and lifeless
That's how you see me
Depression and sadness
It's all you give me

I must make with what you give me
But how can I if you give nothing to me?

Without anything, how can you destroy me?
Please, just fill me with something
Can't you see the emptiness in me?
Can't you feel it?

All I wish today
Is for a meaning in it all
I've been wishing since days before yesterday
I can't go on after all

I make with what is given
But you have nothing to be given

Without anything, how can you control me?
Please, fill me with something
See the emptiness in me?
Don't you feel it deep within me?

My heart's like a cup
Empty without the blood
My mind is like waterfall
Everything slips right through me

This emptiness, how can you control me?
I'm filled with nothing
This emptiness, it's the only thing in me
I'm so numb I can't feel it deep within me(X2)

I was left to bleed
I was left to cry
I was left to bleed
I was left to die

this is the one (sorry when i originally posted this was in it's own thread)
and also if you want credit i'll definitely make sure to give it

sure why not? that's cool, thanks. You see, I can write, but can't make rhythem, I leave that up to my friends, so yeah, go for it. Have fun. Yes, I will need the credit!! :)

Hi Citlali,

I read the posts in your thread and listened to your band's myspace songs to get an overfall impression of your music.

I actually think "Burning Ashes" was a pretty fitting band name, because most of your lyrics, like those above, describe someone who is in what I'd call a "codependent" relationship with someone else.

Your songs often seem to describe a person who has been burned by life into ashes...no longer feels very alive...and yet smolders still, angry that she has not been given what she feels she needs. She feels empty and bad about herself, turns to others to feel full and whole, and then feels anger when they can't give her what she wants...happiness and self-worth and direction...because those feelings are, in my opinion, only achieved through one's own self and not others. Alternatively, in your lyrics the protagonist feels saved by someone else. That is a big burden to place on another person! It is true, though, that sometimes we do feel "saved" and made more alive by people we meet. That is a lovely feeling, but a sad one when that person becomes a lifeline.

I feel your lyrics are well written although sometimes repetitive and melodramataic (compared to most of my experiences of life). You say what you want to say and describe a certain mental state well. I'd prefer the topic of your lyrics to vary more often, but perhaps you focus on this theme of dependent love because that is the theme of your band?

As for a potential title for this song, quoted above, the first name that popped into my mind was "Consumed," since the song describes someone consumed by her anguish and unable to see past it. I suppose it is a little predictable, though, to name a song after a word used in the first line!

it seems to..
 

kind of conflict with its self. I know its not much help, its just an opinion. The right format is there, i think it could use a little post production work.

Thank you for your opinion and I'll ask my band if we can return the name to it's oringinal. I will try to write music on different themes. At times, I felt to not always write on a failed love, but I guess somehow along the way, I am pulled towards that direction. Thank you again!!!! :) and Yes, "Consumed" seems like a good title!

What do the rest of your bandmates feel about your band name? My opinion would be less important than theirs! :)

I was able to find your Burning Ashes band on MySpace fairly easily using Google, so this suggests the name hasn't been used too often. You might want to check the other options by Googling them to see if they have been used before, if you haven't checked already.

My feeling, Citlali, is that if you are pulled in a certain direction, go that way, sing what you feel, and eventually you will probably move on to other topics when you are ready. I suppose it depends on what you want to do with your band. Are you just having fun expressing yourself, even if right now that means a lot of songs about failed love? Or do you want to create a certain type of music?

Other people in the thread seemed to like your lyrics as they are. Plus, there are a lot of bands that consistently create morbid or angry or traumatized lyrics, and some people gravitate toward the music because they like those themes. Whatever you sing, someone somewhere will probably like it! But, more importantly, I feel the question is do YOU like what you wrote. If you feel satisfied with it, then I'd say go with those lyrics.

MySpace???? There must be a confusion, I don't post songs on MySpace. I'm working on updating, but I don't post on MySpace, then I guess for "Burning Ashes" there is only to say, Great minds think alike. Yes, it's true, I try to write from a personal life, but at the same time of what I see most of the time. In a way, kind of get tired of writing songs about failing at times, but it's like I try to begin one way and life gives me a turn. So in a way, it's hard for me to write sometimes nice things which I really want to at times. The only song here is "You" that is happy and a good feeling. I guess have low self esteem because I am constantly asking for opinions and even if they say it's fine, I still beat myself up for it. I don't know why. Thank you again!!! :yeah: