Freebase Dali

I dig the music. The vocals, not so much in certain parts. The singing parts could be a little more on key, and the spoken parts made me cringe regarding the lyrics themselves. But other than that, I think you should expand on the music. Maybe plan out the lyrics a little more and extend the song some. Sound-quality-wise, everything seems a-ok.

someonecompletelyrandom

Thanks for listening man. This isn't my usual foray, folkish stuff or singing in general, so I'm still training my voice and everything. The rap on this one was on the spot, so I know it wasn't very good .

Glad it came out alright sound quality wise... I did this one at home so I didn't have a consenser mic or anything. Had to work with it a bit.

VEGANGELICA

Conan, I like the relaxed feel of the song "Sunshine Girl," and I *love* the song artwork...it looks so very much NOT like a Sunshine Girl! Did you draw that cute but disturbing roboty creature?

I agree with Freebase on the singing needing to be a little more on key (in the chorus parts), and you already commented on that. I also had a little trouble understanding a few of the words so I wished those were a little clearer.

I recommend you make the vocals quieter in the mix. Also, there's a sound in the background, behind the guitar...a lower note that is held (keyboards, I assume). I recommend you bring that lower note out. I hear it especially at the end of the song...a warm undertone that lingers. I want to hear more of that undertone throughout the song.

My big issue with this particular song is that it has a droning feeling that gets repetitive for me because I think you are using the same guitar chord over and over, with the same strumming pattern throughout the song. I'd prefer to have at least one section that uses a different chord. Something to make it feel like the sun breaking through, such as when you sing "I'll be wherever I hear her speak."

My favorite part of the lyrics is the line "spindles on her wheels," because then I imagine this girl riding her bike down a sunny street.

I was at first a little confused about why the song describes this admiration of her (from a distance, presumably, since she doesn't remember the singer's name), but then he (you) says, "I don't need Sunshine girl." So, the song turns toward her and then away. I guess the song is expressing ambivalence about the feelings of having a crush on someone. I was sort of surprised, though, because "I don't need Sunshine girl" sounds so cold after all the warmth that precedes it. I actually like the rap part (if it were quieter) because it explains this ambivalence..."end the lucid dream"...that's a nice line.

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someonecompletelyrandom

Hey thanks for the write up Vega (can I call you that? it sounds cool, like some kind of forbidden planet on star trek). The artwork is actually for another project I'm working on and was drawn by a very talented artist friend of mine.

I took your advice about lowering the vocals in the mix and It did make a big difference with how I percieve the song. Much better now.

As for the singing, I do plan on re-recording certain parts, but on the whole I just decided to forget about it. I'm not a good singer and I don't think any amount of training will fix that very soon, but I figure as long as I'm being honest about my voice I'm making music with the kind of integrity I personally enjoy, and hope that honesty will come across to the audience.

I remixed the song, and this time I removed the short rap verse and replaced it with some Indian instrumentaion.

Sunshine Girl by Sonace

VEGANGELICA

Sure! No problem. Just don't call me Suzanne!

The new version does make the instrumentals stand out more. I hear more of the details, like that lovely gong sound.

You can always come back to the vocals and re-record if the mood strikes you. I'm always wishing to get back to mine and re-record because I'm so aware of all the ways I want to improve them, but sometimes it is nice just to sing a song and not care overly much about whether it is "perfect" or not. At least your voice didn't crack anywhere! I hate when that happens when I sing. I do want to know how to control my voice better, though, to get it to do what I want, rather than it controlling me by limiting the sounds I can get.

I agree with you about the integrity part. I think the problem occurs when voice idiosyncracies make it harder for listeners to focus on the song because they start analyzing the singer's voice.

This change made the song seem much shorter and gentler!

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someonecompletelyrandom

I have a new one. I'll probably re-record these vocals at a later date. But this is it.

wait a couple of minutes for link

someone at last / to share my bread
someone whose shoes /aint full of lead
I'll tell them tales of a man whose tall
And the force that scarred / and scattered them all

One by one / they've left and they've died
Some say unholy things about those left alive
But the woodsman / he burns the letters black
he burns the whole forrest down just to cover his tracks

The police chief protests by setting himself ablaze
the woodsman just watches and he laughs himself into a daze

Well the woodsman / he got old
Well the woodsman feels regret / so he ups and burns himself to death
and people like me they tell the stories still
he lives on / although he's dead / through the blazes that he set
the charred wood / they made into baskets
and with his ash / they made his casket

EDIT: I'm re recording the vocals today, so hold up.