khfreek

I listened to At Home Blues, I'm guessing he listened to the other one

__________________
last.fm

teknoaxe

I agree. It's a good song, but the vocals need to be a little louder. Otherwise some pretty good stuff.

someonecompletelyrandom

Thanks for listening, guys. This is my new song that I'm kind of proud of. It's the first time I think I pinned down the style I'd like to pursue.

Listen


Carry This Burden

the circles of a vulture
round top my grave
give chills to my widow
and redemption to my name

when I lived I was rabbid
and fearful of the sting
hid inside my corner
ignored the blessings it would bring

You'll carry this burden
while you're a young man

Grow old and look back satisfied

I'll watch the inside
While they're looking down

In the end, at least I tried

I've cradled my comfort
in the open arms of strangers
because family won't matter
be it sooner or be it later

siblings who drown in afterbirth
be they brothers or be they aunts
haunt the shallow ghost
of a family on the ropes

You'll carry this burden
while you're a young man

Grow old and look back satisfied

I'll watch the inside
While they're looking down

In the end, at least I tried

someonecompletelyrandom

Bump??


EDIT: I'm going to have to assume the song is crap...

Lisnaholic

I was really surprised by the quality of your song - sounds great to me. This is what I liked best :
The slow strumming of the guitar is very effective and your voice gives no clue about your age.
In a similar way, there is something ambiguous about the lyrics: they convey a sense of unease, but on first listening, I don`t know about what. Also, by using words like "widow" and "redemption" it sounds like the song could have come from some other era, which is a nice touch.

What do I know ? Nothing about composing, that`s for sure, but if I was to be critical, I`d say the mention of a vulture in the first line sounds a bit melodramatic. (A crow is also black, but isn`t such a doom-laden bird.) Likewise the line about siblings/afterbirth seemed a bit excessive to me - but then you bounce back with " a family on the ropes ", which for me is the best phrase in the song.

Altogether, it`s an excellent piece of music, so no more talk about "crap", please !

someonecompletelyrandom

Ah, finally a comment! Thanks for the critique, man! Valued and noted.

someonecompletelyrandom

hey guys. I've got a new one. it's the first rock song I've written in over a year, and i gotta admit it was a refreshing change of pace.

Play direct:

International House of Pork

Play on ReverbNation:

International House of Pork

I think it's possible we've lived this life before
Same ol' days roll by / same ol' wanting more
Same ol' sinking of this ugly world of men
Blend apart be different / follow every trend

It'll only hurt for a while

I've given up trying to fight it
Life is wasted or I pretend until the end
Either they are prophets or they are liars
I'm just too conflicted to stand

It'll only hurt for a while

someonecompletelyrandom

new song I recorded

Planet Plane

They called me from a clown car
they described as a police cruiser
looking down at the long drop
shuffle cars and swallow all the rain

Planet Plane

coughing up the dryrot
I always knew I'd be a loser
don't think of hitchhikers
never sacrifice without a little pain

Planet Plane

(coughing )

Sljslj

You're awesome. Keep it up, Conan.

__________________

TockTockTock

Wow, this is really good. You write lyrics that are very meaningful and interesting, but you don't give off a pretentious sound at all (which can be a problem for some people). Great job.