Carolineluvbug

~
Hey, hey, you, you.
Stop spreading rumours bout' how I like you.
Cause' it ain't, even true.
You're my enemy you, you, you...
~
-CHORUS-
You backstabber,
Filthy talker.
I don't even like you.
I don't even want you.
You're mean, to my friends, I think, that was the end.
My friends, they come first, before guys like you do.
~
I considered it, for one minute.
But then I thought twice.
That was the end of the page,
a chapter in the past.
Now i'm closing the book, and thinking fast.
~
You're desperate, admit it.
I don't mean to burst your bubble but I guess , your once upon a time,
didn't end happily ever after.
I always get the last word.
~
Chorus x2... (Once regularily and another slower with acoustic)
~

The Virgin

i loved reading it. especially the part where it said "But then I thought twice", it's really fun. i liked it a lot. keep up the good work!

whitemore55

Nice really nice. Are you a professional writer? Keep it. Good work you have done.....

Actually we all have some skills but we do not want to show it. It is not fair.

Scissorman

I do not like it. At all. Just an honest opinion.

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DARKRonnoc

I'm gonna be honest, the first line made me think of that "Girlfriend" song....it's by someone like Avril Lavigne I think. Is that where you got the idea for the lyrics?

someonecompletelyrandom

Yeah, no. That was terrible. Pretty much everything about it was awful. Sorry for being the typical internet jerk but if someone doesn't tell you now you'll never learn.

This verse is forward enough. It's completely silly to use the word "like", in my opinion. It makes the song sound straight out of a middle school girl's diary. It's not powerful at all. You could try using a phrase like "into you" or something, that might work a little better.

First of all, backstabber and filthy talker are really awkward rhymes, but I've heard worse.

Second, "You're mean, to my friends, I think, that was the end." Seriously? That's one of the weakest lines I've ever heard. The end of what? You can't just string something together because it rhymes. There's no clarity on what you mean. The end of what? End of "liking him"? Weak as hell.

At least you're sticking with some imagery here, so that's commendable. Again, like the line "that was the end", the line "and thinking fast" is awkwardly placed and doesn't make much sense. It's like it's there just because it rhymes. Avoid this at all costs. Write with the intention to express an idea, then find rhyming words that can express it properly. Don't write just to rhyme. The results are seldom positive.

This was fine until "I always get the last word". Why is that there? It seems unrelated to the storybook imagery (which is horribly cliche, by the way). Same as above.

I think you need to practice a lot more and continue to develop your style. Remember you won't start out writing like professionals, it takes a lot of time and practice. Don't let the fact that I went hard on your lyrics discourage you. If you really want to write, you're going to have to prove to ***holes like me that you can, and take the harshest of criticism.

LinusZsvenning

Beutiful lyrics! Can't wait to hear the song!

Keep up the good work!

Peace.. ..

[MERIT]

I prefer The Doors version better.

Was it meant to be like an Avril Lavigne type of song?