New writer... opinions/tips please!
Hi, I've just decided to start writing as a bit of a creative outlet and was looking for an independent opinion. I wrote this poem about facing anxiety, I keep thinking it sounds a bit contrived and forced and was wondering if anyone could hopefully give me some tips to get over this in my writing.
Pass through a lonely street Heart pounds out the devils beat Crave the end, admit defeat Then find, alone, you are elite Brace yourself to face the fears They plagued for all these years Hold on back a flood of tears Until the fog of battle clears Stand up tall, your limit's none The light in you shines brightly on And when the hellish dark is gone Know this nightmare's battle's won. Thanks for reading, I'd really appreciate any feedback. |
Hi desmond,
I feel your poem shows well that anxiety can be like a dark and lonely street that seems to have no outlet. I noticed several reasons the poem may sound a little forced. As soon as you use "devil," "battle," and "hellish dark" in a poem, it will tend to have a contrived feel. The word "devil" was the one that most caused this reaction in me. Also, your use of a restrictive rhyme scheme, aaaa bbbb cddc, which required the forceful selection of words, makes the poem sound more forced than it would if you used a rhyme scheme that is not as strict, in my opinion. A looser rhyme scheme that doesn't repeat so many rhyming words in a row within a single stanza would sound more "natural" to me. I'll go through your poem line by line to give additional feedback in bold. Quote:
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Not terrible for a first attempt, keep practising (:
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Yeah but for one or two slightly forced rhymes it is very good for a first attempt, keep it up!
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Hello! Creative writing is a skill that get's better with experience. Practice makes perfect, so keep at it. Everything worthwhile takes patience. You are able to put your thoughts into words and that's what "creative" writing is all about. Good luck to you, Desmond!
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Not bad for a beginners attempt. If you want to improve your writing skills, I have a great resources for your that could help enhance your creativity and talent in writing a song.:pssst:
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