Socalium

So just started a new acoustic project, tonnns of songs. This will be the first one released. Here are the lyrics, any feed back would be appreciated!

So your life long dreams to be an astronaut, or your dreams to rob a bank and never get caught, so you dream of flying up so high, keep on dreaming until you can touch the sky. (V1)

Im a simple man to 25 years old, sometime life gets tough and my heart grows so cold, I listen to the trees and feel the cool nights air, then I tell my self someday im gonna get there.(V2)

(Chorus)
You gotta believe, you gotta be strong, or the souther winds will carry you back home.

Oh, you mus'nt be scared, there's no need to run. Just take my hand, ill lead you back home, back home.

(V3)

So your dreams to be an inspiring writer, or to battle fierce blazing fires, maybe to compose a beautiful song, or to fish the seas and let the wind blow you along.

(V4)

Im a simple man of 25 years old, an open book of stories yet untold, im like a picture book with no words or no meaning, and when you reach the end, im asleep and dreaming.

Chorus

You gotta believe, you gotta be strong, or the souther winds will carry you back home.

Oh, you mus'nt be scared, there's no need to run. Just take my hand, ill lead you back home, back home.



END



Any feed back appreciated. Thanks.

Socalium

Ohhh 19 views no replies ! Must be good haha!

Dirty Dan

I'm surprised no one else has replied yet.
I'm pretty new to song-writing myself,but I really think that's very good,and
I'm not just saying that to be nice;I honestly can imagine hearing that song on the radio.
Thanks for sharing.

Socalium

Ill let ya know when it is all realeased Im doing a track a month for 4 months, so if the track isnt listened to or downloaded, won't be available again until I drop a cd It's good marketing. Got anything you have written?

Dirty Dan

Well,I've tried to write songs myself,but I'm pretty new to song-writing,so I'm not entirely sure how to do it.Mainly,I'm a bit confused about the mechanics of it,because I don't really know how to properly divide the song into sections-you know,verse,pre-chorus,bridge,etc.
Anyway,I can tell you're a lot more experienced than I am.
Thanks a lot for the reply.

OathOfArgos

Well first thing I noticed is typos / sloppy writing.

Secondly,

"So your dreams to be an inspiring writer, or to battle fierce blazing fires, maybe to compose a beautiful song, or to fish the seas and let the wind blow you along."

...This i personal preference, but to me writing = composing essentially. They are very similar things. I personally would change one or the other to avoid sounding redundant.

Finally,


"You gotta believe, you gotta be strong, or the souther(n* or ly* depending on ur intentions) winds will carry you back home. Oh, you mus'nt (mustn't*) be scared, there's no need to run. Just take my hand, ill lead you back home, back home."

First you say fight the wind so it doesn't take you home... then say here let me take you home. Sounds kinda contradictory

Just trying to give some other view on it hope i helped!