My amateur poems
 

As the title say its my AMATEUR poetry, i cant stress amateur enough
if you're gonna criticise it
be constructive only then will i listen

this 1 is about depression

You cannot save me

At the truest moment of my disparity
A single thought echoes through eternity
it says

"You are a fraud and a victim of yourself"

Behind my smiles
There is only sorrow
Behind my eyes
No hope for tomorrow

You do not know me
I have chosen so
For if you knew truly knew me
You would not like me so

It may be too late for me
I sleep deep in the abyss
The person you came to know
Is a reflection of who i want to be

Because if you truly knew me
Would you stay by my side?
Will you see through my lies?
And find my honest intention?

As i push you away
I hope you always comeback
I ask so much of you
But i give nothing back

So i decided for you
That is best that i go
For i can hurt myself
But i can't hurt you no more

I will leave you intact
It will all be my fault
For i loved you whole heartily
But i do not know love

Acknowledged
 

this one is very simple, practically a hallmark card, it's about genuine appreciation, it's called Acknowledged

Under me
You will never be
Underappreciated

Because for far too long
You have given
And taken for granted

They all know
How great you are
But refuse to tell you

They only see
How to compete
And not let you surpass them

And so they won't
Even acknowledge
That you exist

And you will spend
Your life being great
Without ever knowing

You will be trampled
Used and tossed
For how right you are

Because this world
Only rewards
The one who wins

Instead of rewarding
How good you are
As a human being

So the very least
i could do
For a kind person like you

Is to let you Know
That i at least
Appreciate you for you

Love it! Would make a great song. Power ballad, probably.

"For i loved you whole heartily
But i do not know love"

**** thats great

lol you think?

if i WOULD make it a song i would probably make it into a death metal song or something lol
Thank you i appreciate it ^_^

it's nice to get some positive feedback as im sure some negative is to come

i actually wrote that piece to explain to my GF i deal with depression
that's how i explained to her through a poem :p:

im surprised she didn't leave me lol

Empty promises
 

its been awhile since i posted here

this poem is called

'Empty promises'

Remember all the boys
And all their promises
Promises they made to you
In the glory of your youth

But as your beauty fades
the boys will go away
Until you have left
Are empty promises

But girl is not so dumb
But not too far from blond
But beauty as a flaw
Has left her without depth

And now her eyes
Her hands
Are but a wrinkled prune
And all that she has left
Is a life of regrets

I personally write poetry and I really enjoy reading what you have posted. I agree with the above that the referenced song would make a good ballad :)

This one is called

"Stay"

As always
The best thing i can i say
Will always be left unsaid
For words cannot capture these feelings felt

But everyday i try my best
To understand this sweet embrace
That moves my soul and makes me crave
The warmth of the one i love

I do not need to explain
Because my heart understands
That when you take me by the hand
A world of wonder awaits

And with such mystery lies
And intrigue that is undefined
Because this journey of you and i
Has no destination ahead

But where will this road take us?
One of us is bound to ask
The one who got too attached
Wants a love without a doubt

I do not know what to say
I can only say "Stay"
All i know is i want you
The rest is up to chance

The moment is we all have
So let us make every kiss last
And hope love reveals the path
That you and i are meant to take.

"Forgotten"

For far too long i have dreamed of the stars
Clinging to the hopes that i could achieve greatness
But the truth is i am just another worker ant
Forgotten by time for being nameless and faceless

But it is my fault i settled for this role
For i lacked the will power to truly impact the world
But yet i still feel my voice is louder than most
And i hoped it would echo forever

But that is just a dream that comforts my soul
Reality is i will be forgotten when im gone
I have failed to become indispensable
To make my existence have any worth

History will not remember me
It only records the story of kings
Not worker drones who dream big
But left no mark to prove they were here.

Wow! Your poetry is really, really, really, really good! I write some sometimes and this was.... amazing.

Thank you. ^_^

If you write poems too you should make a thread for them.

You're new here, right? Welcome to MB. :)

Thnx :)

Lover's remorse

Look at me one last time
look at the tears i shed for you
Before i release you from my heart
Know i cared so much i cried

There will be no turning back
No friend for when you call
No understanding from my lips
No safety net for when you fall

Just an old lover's remorse
Sharp as the honesty held back
From many years of truly knowing
The real person that you are

All our laughs have faded
Into memory of good times
Moments that shaped our lives
But we will never get back

So look at me for one last time
At your old lover's remorse
And feel the pain of my tears
For they are my final goodbye

Thanx :)

i don't have a very good sense of structure or know alot of big fancy words so i try to focus on the message an portraying it as honest as i can.

"Home"

In my moonlit room
Where i lay scorned
There is an old tv set
that keeps me company through my misery

It is the only luxury i have earned
For all the hardwork i have done
For being mistreated as a dog
And being the doormat of my family

In it i see stories of joy
About affection and love
But as soon as i glance away
All i hear is screams through the walls

Yells i have done something wrong
Simply by just being born
That i do not deserve to loved
Even by the ones that gave life to me

I wish my life were like those stories
That my existence had a purpose
But i have been dealt a loser's hand
Destined to be worthless

Fate is fickle like that
It does not always reward the just
Some people are simply given
What others have to fight for

I fight to simply have hope
To not lose it to this miserable world
That has brought me nothing but hardships
Without any rewards

I fear i will someday break
Implode and lash out in hate
Or simply accept i am slave
To circumstances beyond my control

"Truth be told"

It is universally understood
Most people hide from the truth
They fear it will expose them to everyone
So they twist it into something they can consume

They hold it on the palm of their hands
Thinking they can control it
And In hypocrisy they claim
They stand far above it

Until that truth turns back on them
And tells them how wrong they are
Then they slowly start to let go
Of The truth they firmly grasped

Because the truth is not always pleasant
It will not always tell you what you want to hear
It will break you down and tear you
And reflect all your inner fears

So beware of how you use such power
And be careful when you use it to judge others
Because sooner or later that very truth
Is going to comeback to question you.

I don't usually comment on things like these. But I would like to think that maybe I could offer a snippet of constructive criticism.

You're writing about a very common theme, and that's not a bad thing. Your take on it is obviously pessimistic. No doubt there's some strong emotions here, but it really lacks subtlety.

Well maybe subtle isn't your "thing", well that's not a bad thing either. Edgar Allan Poe's poems aren't subtle...but he made up for it with that silky lyrical mastery over the words he used. Poe poured poetry like good wine. If I could offer some constructive criticism it would be "Be like Poe. Pour poetry like a good wine"

Thnx i appreciate your advice and i see your point it's not very subtle in fact i don't really know how subtle i am in my poetry i didn't give it too much thought until now..

i feel if im the subtle some ppl might miss the message and since i don't have a mastery over the english language i mostly use everyday words to get my point across.

i actually appreciate your advice and i know i can do better so i'll keep it in mind.

Those poems are really great to read! I'm really inspired by a lot of your work and I can relate to a lot of it! I got goose pimples when I red those lines of your first post:

The person you came to know
Is a reflection of who i want to be

thnx. that specific part is about hiding your bad side under a smile, in my case hiding my depression from the girl i was seeing at the time.

Yeah that's what I thought it was about. And that really fits to me and what I do atm as well! :)

"Passing by"

I see a familiar face passing by
Surely on his way to have a good time
We spot each other and briefly say hi
And then he asks me: "What are you doing tonight?"

i know he is going to invite me somewhere
Probably to wherever he was heading
To some party to get hammered
To some concert to get wasted

I quickly make up an excuse to blow him off
Because i've already traveled down that road
The road of alcohol and drugs
Of meaningless lays and forgettable fun

He shrugs off my excuse and carries on
And i am left wondering why i blew him off
So i could do what? watch tv home alone?
when did that turn into my definition of fun?

I quickly changed my mind and decide to take his offer
But when i turned around i noticed he was gone
And now i regret the path i chose
And alone i watch life passing me by.

Thats deep bro... Keep up the good work!

"Different"

It is true you and i are different
We do not have the same outlook on life
We do not have the same habits or speak alike
And we do not have the same wishes

But here we are in this moment in time
Meeting at the same crossroad in life
Equal in our frailty and doubt
Simply hoping to figure things out

In this feeling you are my brother
In this struggle you are my sister
Your pain reflects mine
And this empathy is our wisdom

Until this very moment
You were a stranger to me
Another one in the crowd i did not see
A passing glance i did not perceive

But in this moment of vulnerability
Polar opposites meet
As if life is trying to reflect us
We are not as different as we think

Individuality aside
You and i have the same life
United or divided we stand
Not so different after all.

"Say anything"

It is always cold around you
You don't say anything anymore
Is all now mean looks and shrugs
At my attempts to feel your warmth

My desolated lover
Your skin is cold to the touch
You get my love by default
But my heart lies elsewhere

We have no one to fool
We have no obligation
We have only appreciation
For the ruse of our love

But jaded and unfulfilled
The void between us surely builds
Drowning our voices without remorse
Plotting in silence its true intention.

So say anything, now
Before your voice fades out
Before our hearts don't care to bother
And all we are is former lovers.

That last entry 'Say anything' i made for a forum poetry contest so i welcome any critiques to make it better.

but like i mentioned in the OP, plz be constructive about your critiques only then will i listen.

'Firelily'

This moonlight serenade
Is playing our song
Pulling the strings from above
Making us dance like puppets

Filled with love but no promise
Avoiding becoming too real
For it matters not what we feel
What matters is what will come of it

We can be happy in this dream
But we cannot live in it forever
For as our hearts come together
Our bodies will feel the need

To make this fantasy a reality
To touch what words cannot reach
To express all our devotion
In a true heartfelt kiss.

Lily of fire
Your heart to me is pristine
You embody all my desires
And have me living a dream

"Empty Halls"

My soul is trapped in these walls
confined to a life long gone
To the promise of eternal love
To the laughter that echoed in these halls

This was to be the perfect home
Our sanctuary above the world
We placed all our hopes in this foundation
But could not reach our own expectations

For even love lies
And allows emotion to fill his eyes
With promises he cannot keep
That passing time will take for granted

But all we hope and demanded
Is still ingrained in these walls
In the place we once called our home
Where all my hope still lay cemented

I will leave you intact
It will all be my fault
For i loved you whole heartily
But i do not know love

Love this part especially. Good job, it is hard for me to do longer pieces personally

Thnx :)

I don't write long poems either, ideally i want to share its message in just a few memorable lines.

"Play it cool"

I see that you do not see me the way yet
That my adoration for you is a given
That when i bare my soul i come off as desperate
That i cannot pretend i am not smitten

I find it odd that to get close to you
I have to pretend i do not care
That my interest will scare you away
The moment it becomes too honest

But i have always been a fool
Who doesn't know how to play it cool
And who long ago grew tired
Of not telling the truth

And the truth is i do not do it for you
I am simply not ashamed of what i feel
And if i hastily brought it up
It is because this feeling felt too real

Such is my curse as a romantic
I forget love is all about timing
But for you i will bite my tongue and wait
For the moment my love will not lead you astray.

"Duality of self"

"What is wrong with him?" -I said
Far detached from myself
Too inadequate, would be my guess
Too trite and mundane

Far too loud
Without nothing to say
Ever so desperate
To have any worth

Fighting his fate
Without any faith
Clinging to ways
Devoid of direction

Yet he remains
With what is left of his strength
Hopeful in the promise
He can do better

For despite his flaws
And all he has lost
He stills hold on
To a glimmer of hope

And it will carry him on
Through all his mistakes
Until he reaches the point
Where i am at peace with myself.

The "Play It Cool" one is really awesome!!

"Another Day"

Another day where little was done
Another day for the ill forgotten
Another day to disguise your rotten core
With the pleasant fragance of flowers

Another day to put on a mask
And hide the pain that makes you ugly
Another day to ignore your name
As it whispered by the voices of madness

Another day where little was felt
And joy eluded your grasp
Another day to live in the past
And only find comfort in memories

Another day to be dead inside
To twist the knife that punctured your heart
To witness the void consuming your life
And live with the fear you cannot stop it.

Thnx :)

Wow! This really made me think. Please keep on contributing!!! 'Firelily' is my favorite so far

"Lesson in Pain"

Blessed are those who overcome pain
For their resiliency will know no end
And will hold them together where most would break
For strength will reward their efforts

Those who adversity could not surrender
And fought head on their cursed fate
And who in hope found their sanity
Without succumbing to hate

This very world is at their debt
For they are the backbone that keep it together
And though they sleep on a bed of nails
Their pain will serve as our inspiration

As a true testament to the lesson
That hope must always prevail
For it must always remain
To defy all injustice that plagues us.

Thnx, im pretty fond of that one. :)

"Rose"

Long before i was born
In this withered garden i call home
A flower bloomed against all odds
A beautiful flower named 'Rose'

Ever so young and fragile
She caught the attention of a demon
Who picked her up and defiled her
And robbed her of her innocence

She bore him a garden of unwanted children
Children she abhorred in her shame
And so she was sent far away
To live as a slave for another

They said she was too young to watch over them
And fed them stories of how she ran away
And in their eyes they made her a villain
To hide the secret of her undeserved fate

For many years she was kept hidden
As nothing but a shameful family secret
Never to be loved and respected
Taught that it was all her fault

For being born as beautiful rose
Who unjustly was used and tossed
Never to know she was just a flower
That bloomed from a corrupted soil.

"Revelation"

I can buy all that i want
But who i need still eludes me so
Only in dreams i see glimpses of her
Enough to see my true aspiration

She mocks my focus in life
Her scent teases me with affection
From all the constructs of my imagination
Only she has any purpose

A purpose that fills with me with determination
To do more than just dream of a life
Where only in dreams i dare to be loved
Where only in fantasies am i happy

For too long i have lost touch with reality
For too long i have avoided the revelation
That all my dreams of her are just a reminder
That i need to wake up and find her.

lovely lyrics :)
really deep and nicely written

and could you say me what forum poetry contest?