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06-09-2014, 07:48 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Groupie
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: France
Posts: 8
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My songs lyrics.
Hi,
I write songs in French (okay, this isn't a problem for me, lol) and in English. I just want you to correct my mistakes, if possible. I'll put the lyrics in next messages, after this one. Thank you for your help  cigalechou
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06-09-2014, 08:33 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Groupie
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: France
Posts: 8
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You took a part of my heart :
Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together! Verse 1: You were my ideal But probably I wasn’t yours. For me you were perfect, The only one I could love… Maybe did you forget me? Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together! Verse 2: Everybody said We weren’t made For each other. But you were all for me; Perhaps for you was I nothing, Or maybe took I a place? Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together! Verse 3: Now I didn’t forget, But I’ll never regret All this moments Spent on your side. I’m just going to forward And never look back much… Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together ! Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together! |
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06-11-2014, 09:13 AM
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#3 (permalink) | |
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Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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Hi, cigalechou.
I'll put the lines that don't sound quite right to me in English in bold, and I'll offer alternatives that do. I hope this will help you as you write lyrics in English! * * * You took a part of my heart : Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… [But so much the same, too; but so similar, too] I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together! Verse 1: You were my ideal But probably I wasn’t yours. For me you were perfect, The only one I could love… Maybe did you forget me? [Maybe you forgot me? Did you forget me? Have you forgotten me?] Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… [But so much the same, too; but so similar, too] I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together! Verse 2: Everybody said We weren’t made For each other. But you were all for me; [But you meant everything to me; but you seemed made for me] Perhaps for you was I nothing, [Perhaps to you I was nothing] Or maybe took I a place? [I'm not sure how best to say, "Or maybe I took a place in your heart?" or "Maybe you cared for me a little?"] Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… [But so much the same, too; but so similar, too] I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together! Verse 3: Now I didn’t forget, But I’ll never regret All this moments [All these moments] Spent on your side. [Spent by your side.] I’m just going to forward [I'm just going to go or look forward] And never look back much… Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too… [But so much the same, too; but so similar, too] I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together ! Chorus: You took a part of my heart Before going somewhere. Perhaps near from there, But so far from me… We were so different, But so same too…[But so much the same, too; but so similar, too] I don’t know where you are… We were so happy together!
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06-11-2014, 11:30 AM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Groupie
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: France
Posts: 8
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Thanks a lot for your help
 I've just some questions : I don't understand what "Maybe you cared for me a little?" means. (In my song, I wanted to ask him if I took a place in his heart. Does it means the same ?) And for the sentence "But you were all for me", can I say "But you brought me all" ? Thank you
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06-12-2014, 12:27 PM
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#5 (permalink) | |
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Just Keep Swimming...
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: See signature...
Posts: 7,766
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Quote:
Just an FYI.
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06-13-2014, 04:56 PM
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#7 (permalink) | ||
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Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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Quote:
I feel you could say, "Did I have a place in your heart?" (rather than did I "take" a place in your heart), but then you'll be repeating the word "heart" quite a lot in the song. I think that if someone says he cares for you a little, this means you have a place in his heart...but just a little place!  "But you were all for me" sounds awkward to me, so I would probably say, "You meant everything to me," or "You gave me everything." "You brought me all" sounds odd, but sweet, and I know what you mean by it.
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