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Old 12-28-2014, 07:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1
Default Song - Gold

First off (since it's my first post here) - hello everyone!

I just wrote a little piece and would like to ask what you think abou it. Also some advice on how to improve it is welcome.

If my writing seems terrible, well, these are the first lyrics i've ever written and i know thay may not be the best.

verse 1:
Go up the hill
there you'll find
the joyfull gleam
of midday's sun
softly radiating
caresses skin
no reason for staying
in concrete machine

chorus:
Why covet the gold
which will never hold
smile on your lips
warmth in your soul?

v 2:
The purpose stays unclear
yet we'll rush towards
succesful pointlessness
way we're told to go
But some will refuse
and follow inital course

ch:
Why covet the gold
which will never hold
smile on your lips
warmth in your soul?

v 3:
Than once october grows
you'll crawl out of the shell
to see these oaken boughs
grant you a golden lake


Ps: English isn't my native language, thus i hope you could correct me if i make any mistakes
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