Two Raps I Wrote

AhmedAliGHZ · 03-22-2015, 05:21 PM

One day I decided to write a rap song for some random reason,
the thing is I don't even like rap, well at least not anymore.

But here it is, it's incomplete and not ordered properly (I guess)
but it's just something random I threw together.

"You chillin' with the crew,
Cold dusty,
You drop it low and pick it up,
You would bust me,
All these years pass by,
Straight crushed me,

Your middle name nameless,
The second time shameless,
Dissipating the good,
Straight replacin' for bogus,
But we all really know this,
You aint nothin' but hopeless

Steppin' over cockroach,
Top coach,
Leader,
The nigga aint know but he got a bad demeanor,
Failure for the stars,
But success for the meaner,
Stitchin' up hearts like my fu**in name painless,
Yeah he can buy it all,
And he still stays stainless,
Stupid and conceited why he still playin brainless,
Gucci top to bottom,
But he don't like cucci,
He swear that he my nigga,
But no nigga gon rule me,
He rollin' with the pack,
But no nigga gon do me,

Yeah you live in some mansion,
But be lookin' like trash and,
I don't understand why you flauten like a kardashian,
Stick a knife in my back and,
Run around and spread gas and,
Try to fit in with fashion,
Do it all for the action!
Yeah you lack some compassion.
Stick around and get smashed and,
Undercover relaxin',
Immediate action,
For the media asking,
Bout the reason,
I'm passing,
And when it all comes down,
It aint nu-in but rappin.
WORD"
- by Ahmed Ali 19/10/14

Black Francis · 03-22-2015, 06:26 PM

That was.. pretty awful.

Maybe with a hot beat it could sound nice but alone it has little to say and you actually wrote 'WORD' at the end, that was just.. priceless.

AhmedAliGHZ · 03-23-2015, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Francis

That was.. pretty awful.

Maybe with a hot beat it could sound nice but alone it has little to say and you actually wrote 'WORD' at the end, that was just.. priceless.

I see...

Black Francis · 03-23-2015, 03:40 PM

My bad man, here's some constructive critique.

Your rhyming skills are not that bad however i can tell you're emulating how other rappers flow and it reads a bit generic because of that.

Mei · 03-31-2015, 05:48 PM

It could work as speed rapping I suppose , it's a good start tho

03-22-2015, 05:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
AhmedAliGHZ Groupie Join Date: Mar 2015 Posts: 2	Two Raps I Wrote One day I decided to write a rap song for some random reason, the thing is I don't even like rap, well at least not anymore. But here it is, it's incomplete and not ordered properly (I guess) but it's just something random I threw together. "You chillin' with the crew, Cold dusty, You drop it low and pick it up, You would bust me, All these years pass by, Straight crushed me, Your middle name nameless, The second time shameless, Dissipating the good, Straight replacin' for bogus, But we all really know this, You aint nothin' but hopeless Steppin' over cockroach, Top coach, Leader, The nigga aint know but he got a bad demeanor, Failure for the stars, But success for the meaner, Stitchin' up hearts like my fu**in name painless, Yeah he can buy it all, And he still stays stainless, Stupid and conceited why he still playin brainless, Gucci top to bottom, But he don't like cucci, He swear that he my nigga, But no nigga gon rule me, He rollin' with the pack, But no nigga gon do me, Yeah you live in some mansion, But be lookin' like trash and, I don't understand why you flauten like a kardashian, Stick a knife in my back and, Run around and spread gas and, Try to fit in with fashion, Do it all for the action! Yeah you lack some compassion. Stick around and get smashed and, Undercover relaxin', Immediate action, For the media asking, Bout the reason, I'm passing, And when it all comes down, It aint nu-in but rappin. WORD" - by Ahmed Ali 19/10/14

03-22-2015, 06:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
Black Francis Out of Place Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: in an abstract house Posts: 4,111	That was.. pretty awful. Maybe with a hot beat it could sound nice but alone it has little to say and you actually wrote 'WORD' at the end, that was just.. priceless. __________________ "Hey Kids you got to meet the MIGHTY PIXIES!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbRbCtIgW3A

03-23-2015, 03:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Black Francis Out of Place Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: in an abstract house Posts: 4,111	My bad man, here's some constructive critique. Your rhyming skills are not that bad however i can tell you're emulating how other rappers flow and it reads a bit generic because of that. __________________ "Hey Kids you got to meet the MIGHTY PIXIES!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbRbCtIgW3A

03-31-2015, 05:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
Mei Groupie Join Date: Mar 2015 Location: Great falls, Mt Posts: 3	It could work as speed rapping I suppose , it's a good start tho