Judge me
 

Something I wrote working on a song. Some opinions please.

If I loved you, it’d be pain
If i held you, it’d be insane
I’m better off in the dirt
Better off, as a dead flirt

Lick me with eyes of steel
I hate to feel
She is my only passion
As the walls come crashin

She was perfection to me
She is imperfect to everybody
Wind blows into her beauty
She loves everybody

You told me
You’d never leave
What a fool I must be
To sit there and believe
In your own imperfections
In your own misdirections

I wonder if your blood is gold
If your eyes are bold
If your mind is dull
If you have a soul

I know, I am numb
I know, I am dumb
I hear, beating drum
I see, I am crumb

Jesus was aborted
Jesus was aborted
Jesus was deserted
Jesus was deserted

You told me
You’d never leave
What a fool I must be
To sit there and believe
In your own imperfections
In your own misdirections


I love her, yes I do
I hate her, yes I do
I need her, yes I do
I crave her, yes I do
Yes I do (x4)

You told me
You’d never leave
What a fool I must be
To sit there and believe
In your own imperfections
In your own misdirections

I love her, yes I do
I hate her, yes I do
I need her, yes I do
I crave her, yes I do

Needs more "ooh, baby" and girl-world rhymes.

Can't tell if this is sarcasm or not. Lol

Well, it would fit right in.

.

I give it a 69/420

I'll give you a 69/420

I'll give you both a 138/840

I dont judge people I a Christian......Jew ;).:p

Better off as a dead flirt?

I prefer new testament challenged.

The girl the song is about I use to flirt with a lot. So maybe it'd be better for her if I was dead from her life. A dead flirt.

"Dead flirt" is a vile phrase. It's just the worst.

Ok. I'll work on that. Thanks.

Yellow
 

Yellow Is Everywhere
It's here and there
No one seems to care
As it runs the air

Turn on the T.V.
Yellow is all I see
Covers our ears and eyes
Takes over your mind

Yellow is money
Yellow consumes me
Yellow lies
Give it your dime

The Sun Drenched Ghetto
 

In The sun drenched ghetto
The place some call home
There is a beast
That beats his own

The children learn to run
With their gleeful hate
Ignorant to all they do
'Til he notices a mistake

The war wages on

Can you smell it
His whiskey breath
The children steal it all
& wish for their death

The children look around
They find only regret
They're running from it
The crime scene they left

He beats himself more though.

.

Don't we all?

As Blank would say...

The war wages on.

lol that was actually a good one, you suck a little bit less now.

They're good lyrics if they're quotable. :)

I look both ways
Only darkness
Hopeless
Are you lost like me?

Doctors without faces
Walking through these places
Can they see
The country boy in me

I beg you to pull the trigger
And pay the grave digger
His family needs to eat too
And I'm a waste of space like you

This one is nowhere near done. Any opinions?

Don't be so concerned with trying to rhyme and you can make something sound very personal without using "I" and "me".

Noted. Thanks.

I love this part

Whatever happened to Alan Smithee? Is he alive?
IMDB says he's got new movies on the rise
But I'm pretty sure that's a lie.

Alan, if you hear me, will you let me know?
I miss the classics of Hellraiser and Burn Hollywood Burn.
You need to make more
I need more Alan Smithee films

Is Alan Smithee alive?

im judging you

As I do the same to you.

i think this are quiet good lyrics for a beginner song. dont let you iritate by musiciens who write this song in 5 minutes. I would say you are on a good way. Only thing is: write, write, sing, sing... Then you will get better and better. Try different subjects and music. Have fun!

But yeah, the dead flirt thing is a noGooo :D hehe, i was laughing my ass off. But do your thing man. if these are your thoughts then write it! :)

Well that explains your avatar

Today, I woke up in my bed
And everything seemed so red
I use to spend hours next to you
Sleepless nights with you
Watching you in pain
Unable to walk, not staying sane

Goodbye to you, my friend
It kills me that you reached the end
I'm glad it was painless
Cause I know the the pain was relentless

I, don't know where to turn
Cause your love burns
So I looked away to the sun
Tell me, what should I have done

She drove away in her car
Followed by the death of a star
I remember it so fondly
Something I don't want to see

Today, I contemplated suicide
Thought it was better to Die
No longer be a burden on anyone's life
Don't worry I'm allright

It feels like a curse
Cause everyday gets worse
Continual agony
Everything's hunky-dory

Today I put a knife to my throat
Felt the metal on my skin and choked
Laid down and produced tears
To chicken **** to face my Fears

My head is full of lies
They all end with Ok and begin with I
Leave a sour taste in my parietal lobe
Insert here suicidal trope