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-   -   New song seeking validation from internet folk (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/96483-new-song-seeking-validation-internet-folk.html)

SnakeSpiritDude 08-15-2021 08:57 PM

New song seeking validation from internet folk
 
(picture a Midwest emo song)
Free Tea!

Parallel parked in our Seats
My waters getting colder
I couldn't get much lower
What's taking them so long
This tea isn't mine but I'll drink it anyways

Table of one
growing into a tadpole of my former self
Suddenly
Browse the same page 9 times

My shaky hands are shaking
It's a metaphor for something man
You can't drive here
The road had dissapeared

Table of one
growing into a tadpole of my hated self
Suddenly
Browse the same page 10 times

Parallel parked in our seatsx8

Neapolitan 08-15-2021 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnakeSpiritDude (Post 2181504)
(picture a Midwest emo song)
Free Tea!

Parallel parked in our Seats
My waters getting colder
I couldn't get much lower
What's taking them so long
This tea isn't mine but I'll drink it anyways

Table of one
growing into a tadpole of my former self
Suddenly
Browse the same page 9 times
...


I would change that one line to:
"Partly undone
Growing out of a cocoon of my former self.
Suddenly
I browsed my bio sitting the shelf"

DianneW 08-16-2021 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neapolitan (Post 2181509)
I would change that one line to:
"Partly undone
Growing out of a cocoon of my former self.
Suddenly
I browsed my bio sitting the shelf"

so you come in several shades.. neapolitan...


Ll'alleverènziai
it is only eye....

addio per ora.........:wavey:

SnakeSpiritDude 08-16-2021 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neapolitan (Post 2181509)
I would change that one line to:
"Partly undone
Growing out of a cocoon of my former self.
Suddenly
I browsed my bio sitting the shelf"

Alright cool thanks

Neapolitan 08-16-2021 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnakeSpiritDude (Post 2181556)
Alright cool thanks

I really wanted to change as little as possible. It's your song with your words. I just thought 'cocoon > tadpole.' If it's midwest emo it's all about vocal delivery > rhyming lyrics. Like the song Marigold & Patchwork for insinstance. His lyrics don't rhyme, but he puts a lot of emotions into them.

"Partly undone
Growing out of a cocoon of my former self.
Suddenly
I saw my bio sitting on the shelf
"

^ I suck at writing, I left out a preposition :rolleyes:

petitbby 07-13-2022 08:14 PM

Anyone here think they have a hit song? if so, share.....


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